


AU #4

by project_break



Series: In Another Universe [5]
Category: U-KISS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-15
Updated: 2014-02-14
Packaged: 2018-01-12 10:39:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 24,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1185277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/project_break/pseuds/project_break
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In another life, they meet in their kitchen. (Eli runs a record shop, Kevin is a youth minister in training.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

In another life, they meet in their kitchen.

“Oh,” Eli says, coming upon a guy with an impressive case of bedhead in a fuzzy green bathrobe and cow slippers with googly eyes sitting at his table and staring at the spoon he’s poking apathetically into a bowl of soggy Cheerios. “You must be Kevin. Hi! I’m Eli.”

The guy – who Eli sincerely hopes is Kevin, his new roommate, given that he’s in his kitchen, wearing pyjamas, eating out of one of his bowls – snaps his head up so fast that it looks like it hurts and drops the spoon into the bowl with a splash.

“Oh my gosh!” he exclaims, and between his wide eyes and his hair he looks like a cartoon character who’s just been electrocuted, and Eli has to bite down really hard on the laugh which is threatening to emerge. “Yes, I’m—” he trips over the edge of his robe in his haste to stand up and nearly falls over, “—Kevin! I’m Kevin.”

“Don’t hurt yourself,” Eli says, unable to hold back the laugh. “I’ll sit down, you can continue with your breakfast.”

Kevin blushes, but sits, and Eli takes the chair across from him.

“This is not the way I wanted you to meet me,” Kevin tells him bashfully, taking in a mouthful of Cheerios probably, Eli suspects, to avoid having to talk anymore. _He doesn’t seem like a priest in training,_ he thinks.

“This is fine,” Eli says, and smiles. “You must be pretty jetlagged, huh? You’re from San Francisco, right?” 

“Mmm. I’d probably be okay if it was just the time difference. There’s only a three hour difference between here and there. It’s the traveling that got me. I can’t sleep on planes and the first plane left at six in the morning and then I had a layover for three hours in Dallas and then we flew into Chicago and there was a delay that took forever so by the time I got to New York it was, like, ten at night and I got lost on the subway and eventually had to get a taxi here and I’m still talking, aren’t I? Sorry.” Kevin smiles sheepishly and sticks his spoon back into his cereal.

“Hey, man. That’s alright. Did you at least get some sleep when you got here? I didn’t hear you come in.”

“I got here around twelve thirty and didn’t want to wake you, so I tried to be quiet. I slept like I was dead for seven hours, and then my alarm went off.”

“Your alarm? But it’s a Saturday.”

“I know. But if I sleep in then I’ll still be messed up on Sunday and I have to be up early for church.”

“Oh yeah,” Eli says, like it’s just occurred to him that Kevin is in New York to do a graduate degree in divinity and he hasn’t been worrying about accidentally offending him with his…well, less than strictly orthodox lifestyle, ever since Soohyun, his landlord, emailed him last week to tell him that the spare room in his apartment had just been leased again and he would be sharing it with a guy who made religion his whole life. “You’re in school to become a priest, right?”

“A minister, actually,” Kevin says, smiling. “I’m Presbyterian, not Catholic. I want to be a youth minister and work with kids. My undergrad degree is in early childhood development, so…”

“Oh,” Eli says. “That’s cool.” Kevin has a nice, calm voice and a gentle manner. Eli can see where he’d be good with children. 

“Are you religious?” Kevin asks, and he looks genuinely curious, not like he’s administering some kind of roommate-fitness test. _Well,_ Eli supposes, _there’s no point in lying to him. He’ll find out sooner or later anyway._

“Not really,” he admits. “My mother is, but I take more after my Dad I guess. I went to church with her a few times as a kid, but I haven’t been in a long time.” Kevin looks ready to accept that where it stands, but Eli buckles down and motors on. Better to just get it out in the open, even if he doesn’t usually tell people. Kevin’s going to be living with him; he’ll probably figure it out sooner rather than later anyway. 

“I wouldn’t even be accepted there if I tried to go now,” he says, and Kevin tilts his head in question. It’s kind of adorable, actually, but now is not the time for thoughts like that. “The Catholic Church isn’t really big on gays. You know.”

Kevin’s eyes widen a little in surprise at that, which is understandable. Eli knows that he doesn’t look or act obvious. The surprise part is the part that he’s used to and doesn’t have the problem with. It’s what comes next that usually hurts.

“Huh,” he says, and then he smiles and Eli can feel the relief washing over him before Kevin even says another word. That is not the smile of someone about to council you on ways to resist the impulses which are propelling you toward Hell at light speed. “I guess they’re not. My church is fine with it, though – the one I’m going to be interning at, I mean. So if you ever want to come along, you’re more than welcome.”

Eli finally relaxes for the first time in a week. It’s the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

**FIVE MONTHS LATER**

Eli comes home from work at the record store one day to see Kevin sitting on the couch with a pair of crutches leaning next to him and a big, plaster cast encasing the lower part of his left leg.

“Oh my god!” he exclaims, rushing over and dropping to his knees, examining the cast like he’s a doctor or something. “What happened?” When he looks up, Kevin’s blushing.

“It’s really dumb,” he mutters and slaps his hands over his face like he can’t look Eli in the eye, such is the curse of his stupidity. His breath smells like mint: he binges on tictacs when he’s stressed. Eli looks around and sees an empty jumbo-size box of wintermint. Ah ha.

“Yeah?” he prompts.

“Mtroerfinprastpgnanbrkagl,” Kevin says into his hands. Eli reaches up and peels them away from his face.

“Again?” he asks. “In English this time?”

“I tripped over my own feet in the park and nearly stepped on a pigeon which flew into my face and scared me and I tripped and broke my ankle.” Kevin says, looking everywhere in the room except at Eli’s increasingly incredulous expression. 

“A pigeon, huh? Like a ‘rat with wings, walks like a tiny chicken’ pigeon?” Eli asks, unable to keep the grin off his face.

“I know,” Kevin moans. “I can’t believe it. I’ve lived in New York for all of four months and I get attacked by a _pigeon_. There are murders here! And rapists! And black ice! And I got sent to the emergency room by a bird.”

“You are truly unique,” Eli tells him as gravely as possible when he’s enjoying his moment of schadenfreude. “One of my own decided you were worthy of being taken on in battle. I feel blessed to know you.”

“Don’t be so smug, Eli,” he grumbles. “Who do you think is going to be making me dinner for the next three weeks?”

 

“So, Eli…” Eli hears from outside his open bedroom door, and he looks up from his book to see Kevin leaning against the doorframe, one crutch under his opposite arm.

“Yes?” Eli says, suspicious that the next thing he hears is going to be that the cable has gotten unplugged from the TV again and would he mind crawling back behind the entertainment centre fix it? Kevin would do it himself, but his leg...well, you know.

“I don’t want to be a pest, but…”

“‘But…’?” Eli prompts, sticking a bookmark in the between the pages and mentally preparing himself to meet the open bag of Cheetos which he maybe, accidentally, let fall behind the TV that one time and whatever it is that might be living in it by now.

“Well, Anna is picking me up to bring me to Church tomorrow, but she’s going out to her in-laws on Long Island after the service so she can’t bring me home and nobody else lives out this way. I wouldn’t bother you, but I don’t really feel comfortable braving the subway alone with this leg, so I was wondering if you might be able to meet me there and come back with me?”

“Hmm,” Eli pretends to think about it, as though he actually has plans on a Sunday afternoon, but that time is enough for Kevin to second-guess himself.

“If you’re busy, that’s okay. I can just get a taxi or something. I just thought that maybe if you were around… and then you could come see my church and meet some of the people there. But like I said, if you can’t or you just don’t want to, that’s fine, I understand, there’s no pressure—”

“Kevin!” Eli laughs, standing up and walking to the doorway, offering his arm and helping Kevin limp his way back to the couch. “Shut up! I was kidding, stupid. Of course I’ll come pick you up. You know all you ever have to do is ask.”

“I don’t want to take you for granted!” Kevin protests. “And I’m not stupid!” But his eyes are saying “thank you,” and that’s all Eli needs. He turns to go to their tiny kitchen to cook tonight’s microwavable dinner, and _then_ he hears, “Oh, and the cable’s out again. Do you mind?” 

 

Eli gets there a little early, on accident. He left with time to spare to make sure that he’d get there on time in case he got lost, and ended up finding it too easily. He stands outside the glass front doors, gazing up at the needle pointing from the high point of the peaked roof, and wonders if he should wait inside or wander around the neighbourhood for a bit.

His choice is taken away when an older woman, brown hair streaked with grey, wearing a pair of black slacks and a Christmas sweater with bobbles on, comes to the doors and pokes her head out.

“Hello!” she calls. “Are you Kevin’s friend?”

“Oh. Yeah!” Eli calls back, and he makes his way up the stairs to meet her at the top.

“I’m Linda,” the woman says, smiling at him and holding the door open so he can walk through. “I’m the minister here.” Eli, who has always felt uneasy in the presence of religious figures of authority, is relieved to find that he feels no threat from her. 

“I’m Eli,” Eli says by way of introducing himself, just in case. 

Linda smiles and motions for him to follow her into a warm room, filled with people wearing their Sunday casuals sipping coffee from Styrofoam cups and munching on gingersnaps. Parents waiting for their children.

“Would you like some coffee, tea? Or a cookie? Help yourself.” Linda waves her hand at a table set up against the far wall.

“That’s alright,” Eli says. “Thank you.”

“Kevin’s a wonderful man,” Linda says, smiling at him like they’re old friends. “We’re very lucky to have him. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to convince him to stay on once he’s done with his program. I know he’s thinking of moving back to San Francisco after he graduates, but he’s such a talent! I’d hate to lose him.”

_Kevin’s thinking of moving back to California?_ Eli’d had no idea. Kevin has never said anything to him about what he plans to do after graduation. Eli had just kind of assumed that he would stay in New York; that he’d stay living with Eli. The thought of him moving out, back to San Francisco, hurts a little.

“I’d hate to lose him, too,” he says carefully. “He’s the best roommate I’ve had in a long time. He even puts up with the weird food I make him test out.”

“Are you a chef?”

“Oh, no. No, not at all. I manage a record shop in the Village. Cooking’s just something I do for fun. And since Kevin can’t get away so easily right now I’ve had the chance to try some especially interesting things lately.” He pauses, wondering if he just went too far by implying that he’s torturing Kevin with bizarre foodstuffs.

Luckily, Linda just laughs.

“Well you must be doing something right. Kevin’s always telling us about how grateful he is to have you. And I must say: it’s very nice of you to come all the way out here to escort him home on the subway. You’re a very good friend.”

Eli is a little horrified to find that he’s blushing.

“I don’t know about that.”

Linda is kind enough not to push the matter any further.

“Well. Do you want to go down and see him? Sunday school is still in session, but they’ll be done in another five minutes or so. He’ll want to clean up after that, so it will probably be about fifteen minutes until he’s ready to leave. You can always stay up here with us, of course, but I thought maybe you might like to see where he works.”

“Oh, sure! Where is it?”

Linda directs him down a flight of stairs, walls painted with rainbows and flowers and multi-coloured children holding hands, and at the bottom of the stairs, at the end of the hallway on the right, a door is open and Kevin’s voice is drifting out.

“What else was on the Ark?”

“Unicorns!” a voice cries out.

“Unicorns?!” Kevin replies, voice pitched with theatrical disbelief. 

“Yeah!”

“That’s exciting! Put her in there, then.”

Eli stops outside the door and looks in to see Kevin at the front of a classroom, seated facing him in front of a flock of twelve or so tiny children, one of which is depositing a blue, sparkly My Little Pony doll with a piece of clay stuck to its head on the centre of a plastic mat with a picture of the Biblical Ark, joining a stuffed tiger, a Transformers action figure, and one of those plastic frogs which jumps when you press its tail.

“Very nice!” Kevin says, and as he follows the little girl back to her seat with his eyes, he catches sight of colour in the doorway where there should be none and looks up to see Eli.

“Oh, Eli! Hi! You’re early! Come on in!”

Instantly, twelve tiny heads swivel his way and Eli is suddenly on the receiving end of as many very curious sets of staring eyes.

“Class, this is my friend, Eli. Say hi!”

“Hi!” the children chorus obediently, and Eli smiles.

“Hi!” he replies, and steps through the doorway.

“Do you go to school together?” one little boy asks, having forgotten completely about the Ark with Eli as a new and exciting distraction.

“No, Ash,” Kevin says and beckons Eli over to stand next to his chair in front of the class. “We live together.”

“Are you married?” Another little boy pipes up.

Eli feels his face turning hot. At an innocent question from a child! What is wrong with him? He feels only slightly better when he looks down and sees that Kevin’s a little pink as well.

“No, Kazu. We just live in the same apartment.”

“Are you going to get married?” A little girl this time. Yep, Kevin is definitely moving on to a shade of red which is probably fit to rival Eli’s.

“No, Lizzy. We’re just friends. Like brothers.” That sounds wrong to Eli for some reason that he can’t put his finger on. _Like brothers._ “We were talking about how all the animals went on the Ark in twos because they were married and wanted to stay together,” Kevin says, turning to look up at Eli and explain why there is such a sudden and intense interest in their matrimonial status.

“I’m a kangaroo!” A little girl exclaims, pointing at the green plastic frog on the mat. “That’s my husband!”

“Oh, yeah?” Eli says, grinning. “I’m a pigeon!”

“You’re not a pigeon!” Another high-pitched voice cries out.

“Oh, yes he is,” Kevin replies, a sparkle in his eye, obviously thrilled that Eli’s decided to get in on it. “Show them, Eli.”

Eli, who really hates doing the pigeon impression in front of strangers since it makes him look like a nitwit, complies without a second thought, head motions complete with his arms folded against his side like wings. He squawks.

A cheer goes up from the children, who all instantly decide to mimic him and try to become pigeons themselves, and a few seconds later Kevin’s orderly classroom is filled with children trying to peck each other with their noses.

“Whoops,” Eli says, looking down at Kevin sheepishly. “Sorry. I think I just derailed your lesson.”

“No,” Kevin says, smiling widely. “That’s okay. They’ve been sitting down for nearly an hour now and it’s just about time to leave. They should probably get rid of all their energy before I send them to their parents for long car-rides home.”

As if by magic, an egg timer sitting on the counter behind Kevin goes off with a shrill ring. He reaches behind himself to try and brace himself on the cabinet to stand up, and Eli rolls his eyes at him and offers him his arm instead. 

“Here, grab on. Are you steady? One, two, three!” Working together they get Kevin standing on his one good foot, a crutch under his left arm and Eli’s hand on his right. 

“Ah. Thanks,” Kevin says, squeezing his arm with a hand, and then he claps his hands together and all the little children turn to look at him. “Okay, guys! It’s about time to leave. Let’s just remember what we talked about today, okay? What’d we talk about?”

“Noah’s Ark!” someone yells.

“Yep. What about it?”

“How Noah saved two of all the animals so that they could have babies after the flood was gone!”

“And why was there a flood?”

“Because there were too many bad people on earth.”

“Does that mean that we should kill bad people?”

“No. Only God gets to judge bad people.”

“Right. Okay! Everyone go back to the table you were at earlier and make sure that you’ve thrown your snack things in the garbage, then you can get your coats from your cubbies.”

A flurry of action across the room as the children scatter to their various tables, not-so-secretly wiping crumbs off the tables and onto the carpet with their hands, throwing juice boxes and demolished bags of crackers into the garbage bins.

“Animal crackers?” Eli says, glancing at Kevin. “Really?”

“Oh, quiet, Eli,” Kevin replies, ignoring the expression on his face. “You know it’s cute.”

 

When all the children have been collected by their parents – not before hugging Kevin’s good leg goodbye – Kevin starts to hobble around the classroom, putting things away. 

“Hey, let me help,” Eli protests, watching him try to drag the vacuum out of its corner. “I’ll do that. You do things that aren’t going to cripple you further."

Kevin sticks his tongue out at him, but hands the vacuum over anyway with a “thanks.”

As Eli cleans up the crumbs on the carpet, he watches Kevin bustle around as best he can, folding up the mat on the floor and putting the toys back in their box, putting the box back in the cupboard, straightening the chairs at the tables, putting his lesson books away in their folder. 

“You’re really good with the kids, you know,” Eli says when he’s finally putting the vacuum back in its place. “I mean, not that I thought you wouldn’t be, but you seem to have a real knack for it.”

Kevin looks over at him with a kind of lopsided smile.

“Yeah? I try to be, you know. They’re great kids. I love them. It’s going to be weird not seeing them anymore.” Eli’s stomach drops abruptly, recalling Linda’s words from earlier, _I know he’s thinking of moving back to San Francisco after he graduates…_

“Not seeing them anymore?” he asks, trying to keep his voice light, but he can feel the break in his throat and he can see that Kevin hears it as well.

“Well, yeah. Most of them are graduating from my class after Christmas. I teach only the five and six year olds; they’re going to be with Megan starting in January – she teaches the seven through tens.” He speaks slowly, his head cocked to one side as though in question.

“Oh.” Thank God.

“Eli, are you okay?”

“What? Yeah. Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” He spots Kevin’s coat, scarf and gloves on a coat tree by the front of the classroom and heads over to get them for him.

“You sounded funny for a moment.”

“Maybe I’m coming down with Hoon’s cold. He was a total mess at work last week but I couldn’t get him to go home and recover even under penalty of taking the stock list.”

“Yeah. Maybe…” Kevin doesn’t sound convinced, but he takes his clothes from Eli with a grateful smile.

“Oh, hey,” Eli says all of a sudden, desperate to change the topic. “My friend AJ’s coming over on Monday. He’s interviewing for some jobs in the city and wondered if he could crash at ours.”

“He’s your old roommate, right?” Kevin asks, crutching his way to the door and beckoning Eli out before switching off the lights and shutting the door behind him. He tries to dig for his keys, but the angle is awkward because of the crutches. “Can you grab my keys for me? Right front pocket, mini-pocket inside the pocket. Sorry my coat is such a maze.”

“No problem,” Eli says and fishes around for them, finding them easily. He hands them to him and Kevin locks the door. “Yeah, AJ lived with me before the guy before you. He moved to Boston for grad school, but I guess he’s seen the error of his ways and he wants to come back to New York.”

“Is he nice?” Kevin asks, and as they walk down the hallway opposite the direction Eli came down. Eli suddenly wonders how exactly he’s going to make it up the stairs. Or how he made it down them.

“Are you going to take the stairs on those?” he asks, and Kevin laughs.

“Nope. Elevator. We are a disability-friendly establishment.” And as if by magic an elevator door appears on their left. 

“Ah ha.”

“So, AJ?” Kevin prompts as he presses the button and they wait for the doors to slide open.

“AJ. Yeah, he’s nice I guess. He’s kind of quiet, but he’s a ridiculous fucking genius, I—oops.” Eli slaps a hand over his mouth and Kevin laughs. “I guess I’d better look around for lightening outside. I may have just set myself up for a smiting.”

“Lightening in December?”

“It’s New York, man. You clearly haven’t lived here long enough.”

“If the weather’s _that_ changeable I may not ever live here long enough,” Kevin says, laughing, and Eli tries to ignore the pang in his chest that comes along with that. _Forget it, forget it, just forget it_. 

 

On their second of three trains home, Eli finally remembers what he was actually supposed to tell Kevin about AJ.

“So, AJ’s going to stay over for at least Monday night, but I told him that I wouldn’t know about the rest of the week until you got to meet him.”

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that,” Kevin says, surprised, looking up at him from his seat. Eli is holding onto the pole next to him, leaving the other seats open for elderly, pregnant, or otherwise broken people. “It’s your place as much as it is mine. I mean, more really, since you’ve lived there a lot longer than me.”

“Maybe. But if you don’t get along with him for some reason it’d be better that you don’t have to live with him for seven days.”

“Do you think I won’t?” Kevin looks a little suspicious, like maybe Eli’s been waiting to drop it on him that AJ’s a Satanist who sacrifices animals at dawn every morning.

“Not really. I’m not too worried, honestly. It’s just that AJ can be kind of intense sometimes. He can be moody, but it’s pretty rare and it’s more than likely that he’ll be okay. I just thought you should know and be able to meet him before being committed to having him in your space.”

“Okay. Thanks for letting me know. And for giving me that choice. I appreciate it. Although I have to say that he’s probably not going to see much of me since I have to work on the next draft of my thesis: the due date’s coming up fast.”

“You’re going into the university tomorrow?” Eli asks, latching onto the change of subject. “Do you need an escort? I know a particularly dashing one who’s availab—” He tries to bow and then the train lurches and he smacks his head on the pole he’s holding onto. “Ouch…”

“You okay?” Kevin asks, pretty clearly laughing at him, even if Eli can’t see. 

“Uhm. Yeah.” He rubs a little at the sore spot and looks up. Kevin’s got a hand over his mouth, and yeah, he’s laughing. 

“About tomorrow,” Kevin says, composing himself under the giggles, the smile not completely vanished, “Kiseop’s picking me up all week, and Alex is bringing me back, so you’re off the hook.”

“Oooh,” Eli says, concentration attracted. “Tall, dark, and handsome Kiseop?” Kevin rolls his eyes. Eli’s interest in Kevin’s friend from the graduate school of physics has long been a running joke between them.

“You gonna make an extra effort to be late tomorrow so you can be around when he comes by?” Kevin asks, arching an eyebrow at him.

“Oh, wait,” Eli says, snapping his fingers as though he’s just remembered something. “Tomorrow? Oh, man, I can’t. Tomorrow’s the day I’ve decided not to get my ass fired for being late again. Damn. Well, maybe next time.”

“Yeah,” Kevin says. “There’s always next time.”

 

“Do you want kids?” Eli asks with no warning – to either himself or Kevin – that night as they’re sitting on the couch eating microwave rice with guacamole and black beans out of bags full of crushed Doritos, watching a muted commercial which has been interrupting their favourite show-to-hate-on for far too long.

Kevin looks over at him with just as much surprise as Eli feels himself. _Where’d that come from?_

“Why?” he asks. “Are you proposing to go out and grab me some off the street? Because, Eli, I’m morally opposed to kidnapping and I would feel obligated to call the police.” 

“Ha. Ha. Ha.” Eli deadpans, as Kevin grins to himself, pleased. “No. I was just wondering: like if you want to have kids when you’re older.”

“Well, yeah,” Kevin says, going thoughtful. “Not now, of course. Not any time soon. But when I’m older? When I’m married? Then yeah, sure. Why do you ask?”

“I was just thinking about the way you were with the kids at the church,” Eli says, and as it comes out of his mouth he realises that that may not even entirely be a lie, even if it wasn’t thinking about it consciously. The image of Kevin with those tiny, adorable children has been floating around his brain all day. “It’d be kind of a shame if you didn’t have some of your own to look after like that.”

“Hmm,” Kevin says, “maybe.” He turns away from the TV, curling his leg up so he’s facing Eli straight on. “Although they’re a lot harder to deal with twenty-four seven. I just see them for an hour every week and sometimes they’re still incredibly aggravating. What about you?”

“Am I incredibly aggravating?” Eli asks. “Probably.”

Now it’s Kevin’s turn for a laugh and a light push against Eli’s shoulder, jostling his beer. “I mean: do you want to have kids when you’re older?”

“Yeah, I do. I’ve always wanted kids: a little boy and a little girl so I could be there for everything. But I don’t know if I’ll ever get them. It’s harder for me than it is for you because, well...you know.” Eli looks back at the TV where women wearing incredible amounts of makeup are apparently yelling at each other across the deck of a very large boat: their show’s back on.

“I don’t know about that,” Kevin says softly – so softly that Eli’s not even sure that he heard him correctly, so he pretends that he didn’t.

“Turn the volume back up?” he asks instead, looking back to Kevin as though nothing’s wrong, and Kevin’s face returns to the normal state of cheer he has when watching rich, overly-tan people fighting over ridiculous things. 

“You got it.”

Eli dedicates the rest of the night to forgetting.

 

AJ calls Eli scarcely minutes after he gets in the door and throws himself down on a kitchen chair. Kevin doesn’t seem to be around. Maybe he’s in his room. Maybe Alex had to work late so Kevin’s stayed behind with him. More likely Alex got into a conversation with some random student whose native language he – of course – just so happens to speak, and totally lost track of time.

Eli picks up the phone.

“Hey,” he says. “Where are you?”

“I’m outside your building. I think,” AJ says, sounding supremely unsure of himself. Yeah, right.

“You think I’d forget that you used to live here, dickwad? The door code’s the same. I’m home. Come on up.”

AJ snorts at him and hangs up the phone. Eli gives the main room of the apartment a cursory visual sweep to make sure nothing is gross. He and Kevin run a pretty tight ship, but an occasional plate or two left out (or on the couch) has not been unknown. Satisfied, he goes over to Kevin’s door and knocks on it to see if he’s there. No answer. Eli opens the door just enough to see if there’s anyone sleeping on the bed – Kevin never locks his room, though he really should. Nope. Not home. 

There’s a knock on the front door just as Eli’s closing Kevin’s. Man. It’s not enough that he’s a freakish kind of genius and probably a future FBI profiler, he just has to be some kind of world-class sprinter as well. 

Eli opens the door and gets an armful of Kim Jaeseop and a duffle bag.

“Woah!” he yells, and wheels around, hitting the wall with the thump of two adult male bodies colliding uncomfortably.

“Hi!” AJ says, grinning and pulling back like he didn’t just pull off a pretty successful ambush. If AJ were a tiger and Eli were a gazelle…Eli wouldn’t be a gazelle anymore.

“Jesus, AJ! Try not to kill me within the first ten seconds of walking in, please!” He can’t even keep the enormous smile off his face. AJ’s back. Hell yes. 

“Hey, man. I missed you. Deal with it.” When he finally lets Eli go, there’s a giant smile on his face to match Eli’s.

“How long has it been since I actually spoke you instead of email? God. Your accent sounds a _lot_ better,” Eli says, taking his bag from him and lugging it over to the couch, dropping it on the far side. He heads to the fridge. “Want a beer?”

“Yeah, sure. Thanks. Does it? Maybe that’s ‘cause I’m an American now.”

“Wait. Really?” Eli turns around from trying to pull two bottles out from around all the vegetables Kevin insists on buying. “Since when?”

“Since this morning.”

“No.”

“Yep.” AJ goes over to his bag and open it, rummages through until he finds a hard-backed plastic binder, and hands it to Eli. Eli sets the beers on the counter and opens it. Holy shit. Jaeseop Kim: American Citizen.

“You son of a bitch! When did you take the test and why didn’t you tell me?” Eli hands the folder back and whacks him on the upper arm with the flat of his hand.

“Last week, in Boston. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to make fun of me if I failed.”

Eli gave him his best deadpan look.

“Like you’d ever fail.”

“There’s always a first time.” Damn AJ and his smug grin. 

“Yeah, yeah. Alright, jerk. Tip back that cheap, watery, all-American beer and enjoy being one of the land of the free.” 

“To America!” AJ says, lifting his bottle and Eli rolls his eyes.

“To Jaeseop Kim moving back to the most superior city on the east coast,” he returns, and then AJ gets a turn to rolls his eyes.

And then they drink.

 

When Kevin comes home, they’re sitting at the kitchen table, a no-man’s-land of Chinese takeaway detritus between them, arguing over stupid things that happened when they lived together three years ago.

“…okay, yeah. But the sink is disgusting from all the food waste and like, raw egg and old milk that goes over it during the day! There’s no way that a little bit of soap is going to make it clean enough for any dishes you put in it to come out without germs. You need to use a washing tub or do everything one at a time. Just filling the sink with water is gross!”

“But it saves water!”

“Yeah, and if you die from salmonella poisoning and no longer drink water, then that saves water, too. Hospital bills cost more than water bills.”

“I’ve been doing it all my life, and I’m still alive.”

“It’s clearly a miracle. I mean, you moved to Boston, too, which also wasn’t a great lifestyle choice.”

“Oh, okay. Where are you from again, Eli? D.C.? Do you want to play the ‘where you lived is shittier’ game with me? Is that what you want to do?”

“Um,” Kevin says, knocking on the inside moulding of the front door. “Hi. Is it okay if I come in?"

Eli and AJ both snap their heads over to him and stare like they’re unsure why he’s there; AJ because he can only guess at who he is, and Eli because his brain hasn’t managed to switch tracks yet. Kevin gives a small wave with the fingers of one hand and slips the rest of the way through the door, enormous messenger bag over his too-long, puffy orange coat, interfering with the crutches still propping him up.

“Hi,” he says to AJ, still standing by the door and looking awfully shy for someone in his own home. “I’m Kevin.”

“Oh,” Eli says, brain finally slamming into place. _Roommate and best friend. Must introduce._ “Yeah, AJ. This is my roommate, Kevin Woo. Kevin, this is my best friend, Jaeseop Kim.”

“Hi,” AJ says, voice warm, and he stands up from the table and walks over to where Kevin’s standing, holds out his hand for Kevin to shake. Kevin does. “You can call me AJ.”

“Okay,” Kevin says, smiling very much like he did when Eli first met him. “AJ.” Eli feels abruptly and ridiculously jealous. Of who, he’s not sure.

“AJ’s the son of a bitch who abandoned me for Boston after he graduated from Columbia,” Eli says, putting a hand on AJ shoulder and jostling him. AJ gives him a playful shove back. “Oh, let me take that,” he says to Kevin, who’s trying to get his bag off while still standing with the crutches.

“Thanks,” Kevin says and ducks his head to let Eli tug it off him.

“Holy shit,” Eli exclaims, nearly dropping it straight away. “What’s in here?”

“Second draft of my thesis and a couple books,” Kevin says, unzipping his coat.

“You mean a couple thousand?” Eli mutters, dragging it away into a corner.

“Thesis?” AJ asks, leaning against the wall with the coat hangers, position a little too casual. “Are you a grad student?”

“Yeah. I’m doing a divinity program. What about you?”

“I just graduated with my MA in social psychology. Divinity, huh? What faith are you?”

Kevin looks up at him from hanging his coat on the peg, surprised. “Presbyterian.”

“Oh, hey,” AJ says, smiling at him widely. “Me too! Is there a church around here you know of that I could go to on Sunday before I leave? I don’t like to miss service.”

“Well, there’s the one I work at,” Kevin says, clearly warming to AJ’s shared interest in their religion. “It’s kind of out of the way, but I’ll be going on Sunday, and you’re welcome to come with me, if you want.”

“Oh, wow!” AJ says. “Really? Thanks!”

Eli decides to change the topic. 

“There’s still some rice and General Tso’s chicken left,” he tells Kevin, coming over to put a hand on his shoulder and steering him in the general direction of the table and the seat he earlier abandoned. “And I think a couple of fortune cookies escaped us as well.”

“Ah,” Kevin says, successfully distracted. “Great! Thanks. I would have got something for myself if I knew I was going to be so late, but Alex had a skype interview with some woman in Brazil and he got distracted and forgot to let me know.”

“Big surprise,” Eli mutters, and gets him a plate out of the cupboard. “Did you try calling him?”

“He left his phone in his car. It’s okay. I had work to do so it’s not like I was just sitting around waiting for him to show up.”

“Who’s Alex?” AJ asks, taking the chair at the end of the table, closest to Kevin, instead of the one he was sitting in earlier. “Your boyfriend?”

Eli nearly drops the bottle he’s holding. _What?! What the hell, AJ?_

Kevin, for his part, looks nowhere near as shocked as Eli feels, which makes Eli even more confused. 

“Ah, no!” Kevin says, and laughs – not an uncomfortable laugh, but a real, amused one – turning to look at Eli to share the hilarity of the idea with him. Eli gives him a weak, half-hearted smile, but Kevin apparently doesn’t see anything wrong. “No, no,” he says to AJ. “Wow, no. Alex is a modern languages professor at my school. He lives down the street from us and he’s been bringing me home ever since I broke my ankle.

“Oh, that reminds me: Eli,” he turns around in his chair to look at Eli again and Eli really hopes that he’s managed to wipe the confusion off his face. “I’m getting the cast off on Thursday, so you won’t have to deal with me like this for much longer.”

“That’s great!” Eli says, finally feeling something other than flummoxed. 

“Mmm, but that also means that Kiseop’s not going to be picking me up in the morning anymore. So if you want to do something, you’d better do it soon.”

“Kiseop?” AJ asks, looking from one of them to the other. _What?_ Eli thinks at him. _Are you going to ask if he’s Kevin’s boyfriend, too?_

“Another friend from school that Eli’s got a bit of a crush on,” Kevin says, selling him out with a grin on his face. Eli sends him a death glare.

“Yeah? Hey, Eli, why don’t you tell me stuff like this?” AJ says, looking up at him with fake hurt in his eyes. “I thought we were friends.”

“Not anymore,” Eli replies, narrowing his eyes at him. “Not since you moved out and got me stuck living with Matthew the Miserable. Traitor.”

“How was I supposed to know that Soohyun was going to let him move in here?” AJ asks, laughing at his expense.

“Traitor,” Eli insists.

“Matthew the Miserable?” Kevin asks around a bite of chicken. 

“He used to be our next door neighbour,” Eli explains, patting the wall of the kitchen, “and he kept us up at all hours of the night just sitting around, wailing to himself.”

“Or listening to death metal,” AJ adds.

“Oh yeah,” Eli agrees. “That was worse. And then whenever we did anything, like had the TV on or listened to the radio or something, he’d come over to our door and start banging on it, demanding that we be quiet because we were interrupting his…oh, shit. What was it?”

“‘Solemn contemplation’,” AJ says.

“Yeah, so he was incredibly annoying, but we bought earplugs to sleep in and started using the peephole on the door so we didn’t have to deal with him. But then AJ over here moves out,” Eli continues, pointing an accusing finger at AJ, who shrugs sheepishly, “and not three days later I got an email from our landlord saying that Matthew has decided that he needs a bigger bedroom, so he’s moving into the spare room here.”

AJ’s got his hands over his face and he’s laughing into his palms. Eli sets his beer down carefully and delivers a solid smack to the back of his head. AJ looks up at him, sees his face, and goes back to laughing hysterically again.

“It’s not funny!” Eli insists, turning to Kevin, who at least looks a _little_ less amused by Eli’s misfortune. “I had to live with him for two years! He nearly broke my record player and those really expensive speakers that go with it, he did break a window which I had to help pay for, and he was pathologically incapable of keeping anything clean. And all that was just added to the wailing, the death metal, and the complaints which were two feet away from my bed through a door instead of twenty feet away through an apartment wall.”

“Why didn’t you move out?” Kevin asks.

“There’s nowhere else I’d be able to afford which is close enough to my job,” Eli says, shrugging. “Anyway, he’s gone now, and I’ve got you, which more than makes up for it.”

Kevin smiles at him, all soft and Eli feels really, really weird, so he looks away from him to AJ, who’s looking at him with his head slightly cocked and his eyes narrowed. Shit, that’s not good. 

“What happened to him?” Kevin asks, plate finally clear and making to stand up and bring it to the sink. Eli taps him on the shoulder and holds out his hand to take the plate from him and save him the trip. “Oh, thanks.”

“You’ll never guess,” he says, turning to look at AJ with his eyebrows raised.

“What?” AJ asks.

“He _got married_.”

“No way!” 

“Yep.”

“To an actual human?”

“I guess so. I saw a picture of her once. She’s really pretty. I don’t know how he did it.”

“Maybe he saved all his crazy for us.”

“Probably.”

Kevin stands up from the table and sorts himself out with his crutches. 

“I have to go do some more revision on my thesis, and then I’m going to bed,” he says, hobbling his way over to the place where Eli dropped his bag and heaving it up. Eli can barely believe that it doesn’t capsize him; it’s got to weigh more than a third of what he does. “Kiseop’s got an early lecture on Tuesdays so he has to pick me up early. It was nice to meet you, AJ,” he says, smiling. “I’ll see you both tomorrow, I guess.” 

“Nice to meet you, Kevin,” AJ says, a matching smile on his face. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” is all Eli says.

When the door closes behind Kevin, Eli turns to AJ. 

“Time to get smashed?” he asks.

“Oh, yeah.”

 

They don’t actually succeed in getting smashed because Eli only has a limited amount of alcohol on hand and neither one of them feels up to going out and getting more. They do, however, hit a nice, buzzy point that sees Eli asking: “Why did you ask if Alex was his boyfriend?”

“Huh?” AJ says, glancing over at him and breaking his staring contest with the curtains.

“Earlier. You asked Kevin if Alex was his boyfriend. Why?”

“Uh…” AJ says, looking at him with narrowed eyes, like he’s not sure if Eli’s asking him a trick question. “Because I wanted to know if Alex was his boyfriend.”

“Yeah. But… like. Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did you want to know?”

“I dunno,” AJ shrugs and slumps further down on the couch. “He’s cute, you know. And if I’m moving back to New York permanently, I wouldn’t mind maybe taking him out, see how it goes.”

Eli’s really, really confused now.

“Take who out?”

“Kevin, Eli. What’s wrong with you today?”

“Kevin?” Eli says, not getting it. “But Kevin’s not gay.”

AJ raises a sceptical eyebrow at him. “No?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“What? What kind of a question is that?”

“Are you sure he’s not gay? Did he tell you he’s not?”

“Well…” It’s not like Eli ever asked. “No. But he’s never told me that he is, either. And most people don’t just go around announcing that they’re straight, do they?” AJ shrugs. “Why do you think that he is?”

AJ gives him the most disbelieving look that Eli’s ever received from him, and that’s saying something.

“Are you serious?” he asks. “Do you honestly not—? Man. Everyone tells me that my gaydar’s bad, but yours is flat-out awful.”

“Hey! What? No it’s not!” Eli protests, more because he feels like he should than because he actually disagrees; it’s pretty well-established that Eli’s bad at picking people out of a crowd, but he’s always attributed that to open-mindedness rather than some kind of chronic oversight.

“Yeah, it is. But that’s okay. It’s kinda sweet, although I bet it doesn’t get you laid very often.” 

Eli whacks him with a pillow and AJ’s beer sloshes over his jeans. Oh well. That’s what the laundromat’s for.

“I get laid plenty, thank you very much.”

“Sure, Eli. I actually don’t want to know.”

“Hhmpf.” Eli takes another sip of warm beer. Mmm, adulthood.

“So about Kevin…” AJ says after a few minutes of silence.

“What about him?” Eli asks, although he’s got a suspicion that he knows exactly what.

“Would you be okay with it? If I tried dating him, I mean.”

“He’s still not gay,” Eli says petulantly, kicking his heels against the rug, “but yeah. I mean, that’d be fine, theoretically. Why wouldn’t I be okay with it?”

“You…” AJ says slowly, as though he’s trying to think of the most delicate way to put what he’s thinking, “seem to like him. A lot.”

“Well, yeah,” Eli replies. “Of course I like him. He’s a great roommate.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.” Not, it wasn’t. But Eli really doesn’t want to have to think about that.

“You’re imagining things,” he says, not looking at AJ. “He’s my friend, okay? So yeah, go out with him, take him to the movies, you know. Whatever. It’s your life.”

“Okay…” AJ says, like he’s not entirely pleased with Eli’s answer, but he’s not going to push anymore.

“Just…don’t fuck him around,” Eli says, surprised that he’s still talking. “He’s a nice guy. He deserves the best.”

“Is that what you think of me?” AJ asks, voice a little hurt. “Man, you know I wouldn’t do that.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. I don’t think you would, but I feel like I have to say it. It’s like if you wanted to date one of my sisters.”

“Is one of your sisters available?” 

Eli sends him his best death glare. “Not for you, pervert.”

AJ laughs.

 

AJ is all set on the couch with a couple of pillows and some blankets, already asleep, and Eli’s in bed reading when Kevin knocks on his door.

“Yeah?” Eli calls, looking up at the door. Kevin opens it a tiny bit and peeks in.

“Eli?”

“Hey. What’s up?”

“Can I come in?” 

“Sure.” Eli puts his book down on the table beside him. Kevin comes in and shuts the door behind him, then walks over to the side of Eli’s bed. He’s wearing his green bathrobe and cow slippers and his glasses are making a run for the end of his nose. He looks rumpled and kind of adorable and Eli mentally slaps himself because he just told AJ that he doesn’t care, so he really, really needs to not care.

“Sit down,” Eli says, patting the side of his bed. “The less standing you do on those, the better.”

“Thanks.” Kevin sits down and arranges his crutches leaning on the bed beside him. “I know it’s late. Sorry. I just wanted to let you know that it’s fine with me if AJ stays here for the rest of the week. I would have told you tomorrow morning, but Kiseop’s getting me early, like I said, so I’ll probably be gone before you wake up.” 

“Oh, great!” Eli says, trying to smile as authentically as he can. “He’ll be glad to hear that. He really seems to like you, you know. That’s pretty rare. He can be kind of hard to warm up.” Okay, he deserves a real slap now. Since when did being AJ’s wingman become his part time job?

“Really?” Kevin smiles a little to himself, private, and looks down at his hands in his lap, and Eli wonders if AJ might not be entirely wrong about him. It’s not something he’s ever really allowed himself to think about; maybe he’s been deliberately missing all the signs.

“Yeah.”

“Hmm. Oh, so. Anyway, there was something else I wanted to talk to you about: Kiseop. You won’t be able to see him tomorrow, obviously, but I thought maybe I’d have him and Alex over for dinner on Thursday night to thank them for having to cart me around for the past three weeks. It’d give you a chance to talk to him.”

“Kiseop?” Eli asks stupidly, confused as to how they got from AJ liking Kevin to Kiseop coming over for dinner.

“Yeah,” Kevin says, poking him teasingly in the side. “‘Tall, dark and handsome’ Kiseop, remember? You never really get to talk to him. I thought that would be a good chance.”

“Oh.” Right. Kiseop. Tall, quiet, studious, handsome Kiseop who Eli’s been kind-of, sort-of flirting with when he comes to pick Kevin up in the mornings on the days that Eli’s still home. Eli has never really thought of doing anything about it, but Kevin looks so hopeful for him that he can’t bring himself to say so. 

“Okay,” he says instead. “Yeah. That’d be nice. Good idea. Thanks.”

Kevin smiles and levers himself off the bed, grabs his crutches and sets himself to rights. 

“No problem. Sorry again for coming over so late. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” Eli says. “Goodnight, Kevin.”

“Goodnight.” He closes the door behind him softly, and Eli listens as the door to the room next door opens and then shuts, just as quietly. He turns out the light.

Kevin’s breath had smelled like mint.

Eli doesn’t sleep incredibly well that night.


	2. Two

Sometime between when Kevin gets back from the university and AJ gets back from his interviews, but before Eli gets back from work, AJ discovers that Kevin speaks Korean. Eli walks into the apartment, ready to throw his keys at the wall and lose some brain cells to the television, when he hears vaguely-familiar syllables and looks over to see Kevin and AJ having a rapid-fire conversation in a language that Eli only recognizes about eighteen words of. 

AJ says something and Kevin’s mouth drops open in disbelief.

“ _Chincha_?!” he says – and okay, Eli knows that one because it’s one his mother used whenever she saw the disaster that was his childhood bedroom – and after AJ replies with something unintelligible to Eli, Kevin throws his head back and laughs. 

“Hi,” Eli says, dropping his bag on the kitchen table rather more heavily than entirely necessary, feeling distinctly like an outsider in his own home. They turn to look at him, identical expressions of happiness hitting his stomach like a rock.

“Hey, Eli!” Kevin says. “You didn’t tell me that AJ’s Korean!”

“I thought you would have guessed?” Eli replies, frowning at him. “I mean, he’s got an accent.”

“You said my accent was better!” AJ protests.

“Better, man. Not gone.”

“He sounds just like you! I didn’t even notice,” Kevin says, beaming at AJ, and AJ smiles back at him. Eli cannot account for his bad mood, but it’s getting worse by the second and he really doesn’t want to have to be around them right now.

“We’re gonna order a pizza,” AJ says. “What do you want on it?” Oh, fucking fantastic. He just walked in on AJ making his first move. Excellent. He really cannot deal with this.

“Nothing, guys. That’s alright. I actually have to go back out to the store. Hoon finally went home sick today but it was in the middle of doing the ordering and I need to get it done by tomorrow morning.” It sounds plausible. It’s actually mostly true, except for the fact that it doesn’t have to be done until Friday. Besides, enveloping himself in the mindless tasks of cataloguing and ordering is infinitely preferable to this.

“Can’t you wait a bit? We’re ordering from Salvatore’s. It shouldn’t take more than forty minutes to get here if we order now. You could take some with you.” Kevin looks genuinely hopeful and concerned for him, but Eli cannot do that to AJ or to himself.

“No, seriously. It’s fine. I have a sandwich in the fridge in the break room. I’ll be okay. You guys have fun.” He turns around and walks straight out the door; he never even took his coat off. The last thing he hears before the door shuts behind him is concerned mumbling in Korean. Fuck. He heads off.

 

Wednesday morning is not fun. Eli was at the store until three in the morning, organizing the shelves and the merchandise after the stock list was done; anything to avoid going home. He finally got to bed at around five thirty, which does not make eight an incredibly attractive time. Nor does it make Eli an incredibly attractive person as he drags himself out of his room into his kitchen and comes face to face with – who else? – Kiseop.

“Oh,” he says, clearly a little taken aback by Eli’s mess of hair and the dark circles under his eyes. “Hello, Eli.”

“Hi, Kiseop,” Eli mumbles. “Sorry, my brain’s not online yet.”

“That’s alright.” Kiseop takes a sip out of the glass of water he’s holding. 

Eli considers sticking his head under the kitchen tap but decides better of it. “Are you waiting for Kevin?” _Stupid question, Eli. What else would be he waiting for?_

“Yeah. He seems to be taking a long time, though.” Oh yeah? Eli is a little suspicious that Kevin’s maybe doing that on purpose. He wouldn’t put it past him at all to be completely ready with his ear pressed to his bedroom door, listening to them talk. AJ seems to have left already, so he can’t be talking to him.

“It’s those crutches.”

“I guess so.”

Eli glances over at him, impressed as always with how put-together he looks. Kiseop Lee is probably the most sophisticated-looking person Eli’s ever met: tall, with dark, neat, longish hair, glasses steady on his nose, always well dressed. He’s the polar opposite of Alex Eusebio, his and Kevin’s absentminded-professor friend, who’s often found in t-shirts which are more holes than fabric, jeans with fraying seams, and work boots, his hair pointing in all different directions courtesy of the glasses which he’s constantly pushing into it and then back down on to his much-abused nose. Kevin really knows how to pick them; Eli’s not sure how he managed to snare those two, of all the people in the university, into being his friends.

He thinks about Kevin encouraging him to talk to Kiseop, to try and start something there. It’s really not a bad idea. Kiseop’s handsome, smart, and not completely uninterested, if Eli’s been reading the signs right. There’s a difference between something not being a bad idea, however, and something being an idea that he wants to carry through on. 

“Kevin invited Alex and I over for dinner tomorrow night,” Kiseop says into the silence between them. “Is there anything you’d like me to bring? Or to write on Alexander’s hand that _he_ should bring?”

Eli’s unable to help a smile at that. 

“No, you’re fine. The whole point is to thank you for driving him to and from work; wouldn’t be very effective if we made you contribute to it.”

Kevin chooses that moment to emerge from his room, tidy as ever but with red, slightly bloodshot eyes. Eli wonders how late he stayed up talking with AJ to look like that.

“Hey, Kiseop. Sorry. I lost my phone in the bottom of my bag and had to look everywhere else in my room before I found it. Oh, hi, Eli! Are you okay? We didn’t hear you come home last night.”

“Yeah. I’m good. It just took me a while to get everything done.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, man. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine. You two probably need to leave if you don’t want Kiseop to miss his seminar.”

“He’s right, Kev. We’re cutting it close.”

“Okay, okay.” Kevin hands his bag to Kiseop and tugs on his coat and hat, bundling himself up before accepting his bag and getting his crutches situated again. “One more day!” he says, glaring down at the pieces of polished wood beneath his arm. “Thank God.”

“Have fun, guys,” Eli says, and watches as Kiseop opens the door for Kevin.

“Bye, Eli,” Kiseop says.

“Yeah. Bye, Eli!” Kevin echoes, and then the door shuts, and Eli’s alone.

 

On the train home, Eli’s phone catches a rare second of signal and alerts him that he’s got a text message. It’s from Kevin. 

_sml emergency with church. linda will bring me back home but not til L8. I don’t have ajs numbr so pls tell him im sorry I have to cancel. thx! :-)_

Sorry he has to cancel what? Eli re-pockets the phone. _Probably a date,_ he thinks bitterly, a little ashamed at the fact that there’s a part of him which is happy about it. He shouldn’t be pleased at their misfortune: Kevin and AJ would be good for each other, and he just has to get used to that fact. 

AJ is waiting outside the front door when Eli gets there, reading something on a tablet, leaning against the wall. Eli feels abruptly guilty, both for the fact that he’s been standing outside without anyone to let him in, and because he’s been staying with Eli for three days and Eli’s barely seen him because of his own childish behaviour.

“AJ!” he calls, hurrying toward the door. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I just found out that Kevin got called into the church earlier. I didn’t realise that there wouldn’t be anyone to let you in. Have you been out here long?”

“About half an hour.” AJ shrugs. “It’s no big deal. It gave me an excuse to finish the book I bought for the plane.”

“I’m so sorry.” Eli opens the door and ushers him in first, following him in and closing the door behind them. “The hallway’s cold. I’ll turn the heat up.” He does so, walking to the thermostat in the living room and turning it up before coming back to take his coat and shoes off. AJ visibly winces as Eli treads over the carpet in his wet sneakers—he may be American now, but cultural preferences die hard.

When he’s free of his outerwear, Eli heads straight for the kitchen and puts a pot of coffee on.

“Do you want coffee?” he asks AJ.

“If you’re making some, sure.” AJ sits down in one of the chairs at the table and watches Eli as he hunts out two mugs, the milk, and the sweetener. “What did you say about Kevin getting called into church?”

“Oh yeah.” Eli doesn’t stop fiddling around with the things on the counter. He doesn’t want to have to see the look of disappointment on AJ’s face when he tells him because he’s honestly not sure what his own reaction to that look will be. “Apparently there was an emergency that they needed him for. He told me that the minister picked him up from the university and she’ll bring him back later tonight. He said to tell you ‘sorry’ for cancelling.”

“Oh,” AJ says. “I hope he’s okay. What kind of emergency would they have that would require him?” 

Eli is hit with a sudden awareness that he’s more of an asshole than even he realised. Kevin tells him there’s an emergency and the first thing he thinks is that he’s glad that means his date is getting cancelled. His date finds out and the first thing he thinks is that he hopes Kevin’s okay. Eli’s known him, lived with him, been friends with him, for going on six months; AJ’s known him for three days. Eli is officially the worst friend alive.

“I don’t know,” he says slowly. “Maybe something with one of the kids he teaches? He didn’t say.”

AJ remains quiet. The coffee pot starts to hiss and Eli pours them each a cup, carries them over to the table and sets one down in front of AJ, one at his own spot, then he returns for the milk and sweeteners. It’s only when he’s just taking a sip of his coffee that AJ finally speaks.

“Are you okay?”

“What?” Eli’s surprised. “Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You seemed pretty upset yesterday. You ran in and ran out and didn’t come home until early in the morning.”

“I told you. I had to finish up some work at the store.”

“Did you really?” AJ’s looking at him with dark, serious eyes over the rim of his coffee mug, and Eli remembers one of AJ’s things which always drove him nuts when they lived together: the amateur psychoanalyzing. Admittedly, two years of graduate school later it might not be amateur any longer, but Eli’s never appreciated AJ trying to shrink him.

“Yeah, Jaeseop. I really did. Stop trying to get into my head, okay? I’m allowed to have a bad day once in a while.”

“I know. I’m not trying to ‘get into your head,’ Eli. I feel like I might be responsible, okay?”

“Responsible?” 

“For putting you in a bad mood.”

“I’m not—Jesus, AJ. Whatever. Fine. How could my attitude possibly be your fault? I’ve barely seen you the whole time you’ve been here.” 

“I think…” AJ sticks his spoon into his cup and looks down at it, swirls around to create a little whirlpool of coffee. “I think that you’re not okay with me spending so much time with Kevin.”

“Oh, come on!” Eli stands up so fast that his chair skids out, actually _skids back_ , from the table and falls over, hitting the cabinets beneath the counter on the way down. “Don’t fucking start with that again. I told you that I don’t have a problem with it, so I don’t have a _fucking_ problem with it. Why are you so determined to think that I do?”

“Because you nearly just broke your fucking chair, Eli! People who don’t care about other people don’t get so worked up about them.” AJ’s face is serious, undeterred by what Eli’s sure is a look of pure (undeserved, he’s well aware, he can’t get a grip on how quickly his temper has risen) malice facing him. They fought when they were just friends. They fought when they were roommates. They fought over instant messenger and skype when AJ left and now they’re fighting again because all that experience has taught them which buttons to press and for how long.

“Why the hell do you care if I care?” Eli snaps. “Kevin’s clearly into you. I didn’t even consider that he might be gay until you came along and now, with the way he acts with you, I can tell it’s pretty fucking obvious. It doesn’t matter what I think. I’m not his boss or his mother. It doesn’t matter what I think about it. It’s not about me.”

“You think he’s _into_ me?” AJ asks, sounding really-sceptical as opposed to just sarcastic-sceptical, which makes Eli pause. “Have you actually ever seen the two of us together aside from the first day? How the hell can you just decide that he’s into me, just like that?”

“I don’t know, how about the fact that when I came in yesterday you two were chatting to each other all buddy-buddy in a language you _know_ I don’t speak and Kevin told me to tell you sorry for cancelling your fucking date tonight?”

“What…?” AJ looks at him for a moment and then runs a hand over his face and sighs. “Sit down, Eli.”

“Don’t fucking tell me to sit down in my own—”

“Sit the fuck down, Eli. I need to explain some things to you.”

Eli glares at him, but when it comes down to it he’s really, really tired and sick of being angry and feeling jealous and weird, and AJ’s his best friend and it’s stupid to fight with him when he’s only going to be in town for a little while and he seems to be promising some sort of enlightenment which might make Eli feel a little less shitty. So Eli picks his chair up with one hand, sets it right side up again, and sits down.

“Thanks.” AJ says.

“Shut up.” Eli bites back, mostly out of habit. “What do you want to tell me?”

“Do you want me to shut up or to tell you? You can’t have it both ways.” AJ smirks at him a little and Eli already feels a bit better.

“I will kick you out of this apartment without your shoes,” he threatens weakly. “Talk.”

“Alright,” AJ says, but he takes another couple sips of coffee before he actual says anything. When he does speak, it’s to say: “First of all, Kevin didn’t cancel a date on me tonight. I don’t know where you got that idea from.”

“What was it?” Eli asks.

“Huh?”

“If it wasn’t a date?”

“He promised me that when he got back from school he’d call one of his friends who’s looking for a roommate and introduce me to her over the phone. I guess she works a night shift starting at eight so there’s only a limited amount of time that he can call her in after he gets home and before she leaves.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah. As for the speaking Korean thing... it’s not like we were speaking it to exclude you. We switched to English when we noticed you were there.”

“He looked really happy to be talking to you,” Eli says, staring at his hands around his mug. “Like, thrilled.”

“I came home and found him talking with him mother in Korean on the phone and when I told him that I’m Korean he got excited because he never gets to practice on anyone else and he wanted me to be his conversation partner. I think we were comparing ‘Things Eli’s Nearly Poisoned Me With’ stories when you came in.”

“I’ve never tried to poison either of you!” Eli exclaims, attention successfully diverted. 

“Look, man, you can’t try to claim that all your cooking adventures have ended successfully.”

“Neither of you have ever ended up in the emergency room because of me,” Eli maintains, hoping that he’s not pouting. 

“Yet. Anyway, that’s kind of the point.”

“That I’ve never killed either of you?”

“That when Kevin was talking to me, he was talking about you.”

Eli doesn’t see any point. 

“How is that significant? I live with him; I used to live with you. I’m kind of the common denominator, aren’t I? If you’re just making small talk I can see why you'd talk about me. You better not be gossiping, though. I have so much on you.”

“You don’t get it. It’s not just then. Every time I’ve talked to him, he’s always brought the conversation back to you. It’s not like he’s deflecting me or searching for something to talk about, either. He talks about you all the time. I can’t get him to talk about anything else. He’s not interested in me, Eli. He’s interested in you.”

So, AJ’s clearly lost his mind. Maybe Eli did accidentally poison him and it’s fucking up his brain chemistry. Eli tells him so.

“You’ve gone crazy. I must have put lime scale remover in the sugar bowl by accident.” 

“I’m serious. He really, really likes you. It’s too bad for me since I like _him_ more every time I talk to him, even if you’re the only topic of conversation.” 

“Assuming that your brain isn’t currently being fried,” Eli says, “and that he does talk about me a lot, that doesn’t mean anything, okay? He’s been trying to set me up with this friend of his from school. He wouldn’t do that if he liked me like you think he does.”

“Kiseop,” AJ says, “right? Can I have more coffee please?” He holds his mug out to Eli who takes it and goes to the counter to refill both AJ’s and his own. 

“Yeah, Kiseop.”

“He’s talked about that, too.”

“Right? And what’d he say?”

“That he thinks it’s really great that you like Kiseop so much and he’s happy for you and he thinks that you two will make a nice couple.” Eli hands him his mug back and sits down again.

“Yeah, so. See? He thinks we’d make a nice couple. He’s trying to set us up.”

“Only because he thinks that you’re really serious about Kiseop.”

“He—what?” Okay, so that’s actually a surprise. Eli’s been flirting with Kiseop a little, sure, and he’s mentioned to Kevin a couple of times, elbow to the ribs style, that he thinks he’s hot, but he didn’t think that Kevin took that to mean he was madly in love with the guy. Eli’s just assumed that Kevin’s decided to try and set them up on Thursday so that Eli can have someone to spend time with once Kevin and AJ are together. Kevin’s a sweetheart: if he’s happy he wants his friends to be just as happy as he is. 

“He’s trying to set you up with Kiseop because he thinks that you really, really like him and Kevin adores you and he wants you to be happy, no matter what. Even if it’s not with him.”

“He told you all this?” Eli asks, trying to hide the fact that his stomach is doing this weird thing where it tries to crawl simultaneously out through his throat and into his heart.

“He told me what his impression of you and Kiseop is and his reasons for trying to set you up. His feelings for you are things that I’ve gathered for myself.”

“You could be wrong.”

“I’m not wrong, Eli.” AJ smiles at him a bit crookedly, like he’s not sure whether or not he’s just delivered good news. “He’s wrong though. He thinks you don’t care about him. Are you going to try to keep lying to me about that now that you know I know I don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell with him?”

“It—look: if you _were_ right about Kevin being interested in me then that snowball would be perfectly safe since that would be the day hell froze over.”

“That makes no sen—”

“Shut up. Anyway, it doesn’t matter whether or not I like him or whether or not I care that he likes me because this is not high school and he is not the guy who sits behind me in math class and sometimes asks to borrow my pencil sharpener. He’s my roommate. He’s my _fucking roommate_ , AJ. He’s my friend. And you know as well as I do that I will never be able to fit into his life as anything other than that. He’s middle class, well-educated, religious and I’m a fuck-up, runaway, ex-Catholic, high school dropout. He deserves someone like you, or Kiseop or Christine. Someone like him who can give him the life that he wants to have. I’m not that person.” He takes a deep breath, unable to believe that he just said all of that out loud, some of it which he’s never even really allowed himself to think in private. AJ looks similarly shocked.

“You think you’re not good enough for him? Don’t be an idiot, Eli. You’re smart, you’re brave, and you’re a great friend. What kind of a fuckup manages to make a decent life for themselves after running away from home at sixteen? What sort of loser ends up being the manager of a successful store, gets and holds onto an apartment in a decent part of New York, and earns his GED within eight years of getting on a bus from another state with only a hundred and twenty bucks?”

“I’m not what he needs.” Eli insists quietly.

“Why do you get to say what he needs?”

Eli holds out his hand for AJ’s empty mug and AJ hands it to him. Eli avoids AJ’s demanding eyes and turns to the counter to do the dishes. 

“Eli. I’m not saying you have to marry him. But if you love him – if you even just _like_ him a little – you shouldn’t waste the opportunity. I don’t get a chance with him because the only chance he’d ever give right now is to you. I can’t believe you’d give that up.”

Eli turns off the water and puts the mugs on the drying rack. 

“I’m going to go read,” he says, and lets AJ watch him walk out.

 

When Kevin finally gets home at eleven-something, Eli’s surfing the internet on his laptop, watching nearly ancient episodes of Gundam that some good soul has subbed and uploaded to youtube. Eli hears him come in the front door and greet AJ in Korean, then he hears his own name and AJ replies with something he doesn’t understand.

Fifteen seconds later, there’s a timid knock on Eli’s door. 

“Eli? Are you awake?” Kevin’s voice is soft, like he doesn’t want to wake Eli up if he’s sleeping. Eli seriously debates pretending that he didn’t hear, but when he remembers that Kevin’s just been involved in some kind of emergency, he thinks better of it.

“Yeah,” he calls out. “Come in.” 

The door knob turns but the door doesn’t open, it just rattles in its frame a bit.

“It’s locked,” Kevin says. That’s right. Eli locked it when he left AJ in case AJ was going to attempt to talk to him more.

Eli shuts his laptop and put it on the table beside his bed, throws off the covers and pads in his sock feet to his bedroom door, unlocking it and pulling it open to reveal Kevin, still wearing his big orange coat, standing before him. Kevin gives him a little smile, but it’s incredibly brittle looking and his eyes are red and wet. Eli steps back to let him through the door and as he looks out into the living room he sees AJ on the couch looking back at him, lip caught between his teeth, worrying. Eli shuts the door.

Kevin has hobbled his way over to Eli’s desk chair. He’s not using his crutches, just walking awkwardly, favouring his cast-less leg. The light in Eli’s room is better than the light in the living room. Kevin looks destroyed. Eli’s heart twinges painfully.

“Hey,” he says, trying to keep his voice light for him. “You look exhausted. Lie down on the bed instead.”

“Oh, I couldn’t…” Kevin says softly.

“Yes,” Eli insists and holds out his hand for his coat. Kevin shrugs it off and then wobbles his way over to Eli’s bed, smooths the covers down and then lies on top of them, gingerly, staring up at the ceiling. When he notices that Eli’s still standing by his desk, holding Kevin’s coat, he reaches a hand out.

“Sit next to me,” he says, less a command than a question, and Eli immediately drops his coat on the desk chair and goes to sit on the bed at his side. 

“What’s up?” he asks, fighting the urge to touch him – the back of his hand, his arm, anything.

“I’ve had a really bad day,” Kevin whispers, and his voice is hoarse and strained like he’s doing everything he can to keep from crying, but it’s all for nothing because at the end of his sentence his face collapses and silent tears start to roll down his cheeks.

“What happened?” Eli asks gently, wanting to comfort him but not sure how. 

“Ar…” Kevin says, and chokes on the word, gasping and bringing his hands up to his face. “Ariana. One of my kids. She has leukaemia and, um,” his words are choppy, punctuated by the breaths which are slamming in and out of his anguished lungs, “she, um. She died. Today. And I was there…Her parents called Linda and me so we could be there with her when she went and oh my God I just can’t…” Any further thoughts are lost to another flood of tears, and Eli does what feels natural. 

When he sits down on the far side of Kevin – back against the wall, legs stretched out down the length of the bed – and puts an arm around him, tugs him close, Kevin goes more willingly that Eli had ever imagined, falling into him and clutching at his shirt, burying his face against Eli’s shoulder. 

“I knew it was coming,” he whispers, and his breath is a cloud of cold mint against Eli’s skin. “I knew that I had to expect it sooner or later but she was only five years old and she was such a sweetheart and I never thought I’d be there to watch her little eyes close for the last time and see her parents crying and trying to tell her twin sister what happened and it just hurt so much I wasn’t ready it’s not fair it’s really not she was so young…” And then it seems that he can’t talk anymore; it sounds like he’s drowning under the waves of sobs that crash through him, his breath gasping and his tears soaking Eli’s shirt.

“I’m sorry…” Eli says softly, feeling useless but not knowing what else to say. Kevin’s arm, wrapped around his waist, moves up so his hand is hooked over Eli’s shoulder from the back, gripping, holding on like Eli is the only thing stopping him from being washed out to sea on the surge of his own grief. Eli rubs a hand rhythmically up and down his spine, trying to help him relax.

After long, long minutes of sitting there like that, Kevin’s breathing finally evens out enough to let him speak. And he does, but so softly that Eli can’t hear him.

“Sorry?” he says. “What was that?” feeling awful that he might be making Kevin repeat something which is painful to him.

“I don’t think I can do this job,” Kevin says again, louder, and Eli’s hand stops rubbing his back in surprise.

“Why?”

“Things like… things like this. Hospital visits. Termin…sick kids. That’s what my job will be. Sunday school and spiritual crisis support. I can’t do it, Eli. I don’t think I’d be able to stand it.”

“Because it hurts?”

“Because I don’t think I can do this over and over again. Sitting next to a dying child with a smile on your face so you don’t scare them, telling them everything’s going to be okay. Telling them that God loves them. Well yeah, that’s great, but their parents love them, too. And Ari was only five! She was only little! She never even had a chance…”

He breaks out into fresh tears – weaker now, lacking the intensity of before, but no less heartfelt – and Eli almost starts to cry too, knowing that he didn’t allow himself to show any emotion until he got home and came to Eli’s side, imagining him sitting next to a dying little girl with a big, fragile smile on his face. 

“You know what, Kev?” he says finally, running his hand over his back once more. “I bet you were the best thing that could have happened to her.”

“What?” Kevin croaks softly.

“I bet that nobody could have made her feel as safe as you did. I wasn’t there, but I know that with you there, she would have never been afraid. I’m not religious, but that sounds like a blessing to me.”

“Oh…”

They’re silent for a while, and then Eli speaks again.

“You don’t have to decide anything now, obviously. But I just think you should know that I don’t know anyone who would be better for the job than you, and if you stayed here you’d always have someone to come back to and talk it out with.” _Please, Kevin. Please, please, don’t leave._

“Really?”

Eli’s not sure which he’s questioning: his ability, or the promise of a home. It doesn’t really matter, though; either way, the answer is:

“Yeah.”

 

Eli wakes up to a crick in his neck, a dead arm, and the realisation that he left his lamp on overnight. Shit. That’s not going to look good on their electric bill. Considering the scowl that’s soon to grace Soohyun’s face is just a distraction, though, from the real Realisation to be had: Kevin spent the night in Eli’s bed, in Eli’s arms.

What.

Eli remembers Kevin sighing himself to sleep. Remembers watching him and feeling second-hand emotional exhaustion settle in. Remembers thinking, _I’ll just close my eyes for a moment._

Ah ha. It’s a good thing, evidently, that Eli can’t drive, because a moment turned into eight hours and now it’s morning and Kevin is snuffling, slowly waking up, against the top of Eli’s chest where his head apparently came to rest somewhere during the night.

Eli decides that playing it cool is probably the safest bet. 

“You awake?” he asks, peering down at Kevin’s messy blonde hair, some of which is trying valiantly to get into his mouth. 

“No,” Kevin says. 

“You’re awake,” Eli decides, and gives his hair a ruffle for good measure. Kevin mewls (really, mewls, it’s a ridiculous sound that cannot be classified as anything else) and swats him. Eli’s heart feels ridiculously warm, and it’s not just because Kevin is a surprisingly good insulator for someone with next to zero body fat.

“No,” Kevin repeats. 

“Yes,” Eli says, and internally debates whether going to work is really worth shifting Kevin off him. That decision is abruptly taken away when someone knocks on Kevin’s bedroom door. 

“Kevin?” It’s Kiseop. “Jaeseop let me in. Are you ready? You’re supposed to be at the doctor’s in fifteen.”

Kevin, instantly awake, shoots out of Eli’s arms and off his bed like a Warner Brother’s cartoon; Eli almost swears that he can see trails of dust fly up in his wake. In less than a second, it seems, Kevin has speed-hobbled to Eli’s bedroom door and through it, saying hastily to Kiseop, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I overslept. Hang on. I’ll get changed really fast. I’m sorry!” Eli hears his door open and close and a few moments later Kiseop’s poking his head cautiously around Eli’s own door.

“Is it safe to look?” he asks.

“Oh, god. No. Yeah. It’s fine. It’s nothing like that.” Eli stands up and rubs a hand over his neck. “We were talking last night; I guess we fell asleep.”

Kiseop nods as though this makes perfect sense to him. 

“Do you want something to drink?” Eli asks, wandering past Kiseop and out into the living room. AJ is nowhere to be seen; he must have left when he let Kiseop in. 

“Just water, please.”

Eli gets him a glass and puts a pot of coffee on, leans against the counter next to him as he waits for it to finish. 

“Lucky you, huh?” he says, staring at the far wall. “Last day of having to come all the way over here to pick Kevin up in the morning.”

“Oh, I don’t mind it,” Kiseop says. “It’s nice to have someone to talk to in the car. And…Eli, um. Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something.” He sounds a little nervous, and that makes Eli nervous because all he can think of is Kevin trying to set them up and what he might possibly have said to Kiseop about it.

“Yeah?” Eli forces himself to turn and look at him, all casual like his brain isn’t beating frantically at the insides of his skull.

“This probably isn’t the time to say this, but I might not get a chance later, and I thought you should know.” _Oh God,_ Eli thinks. _He’s not going to confess to me, is he? I can’t. I don’t. I… what… please no._

“What?”

“Kevin…” Kiseop’s voice goes sotto, even softer than his already quiet speaking voice, and Eli is forced to lean in a little to hear him. “Kevin is really, really keen on getting us to date. I think he’s planning on trying to do something tonight and I, well. I get the impression that that’s not something you’re interested in.”

 _Huh?_ Okay, that’s not what Eli was expecting to hear.

“What do you mean?” he asks, frowning.

“Don’t worry, Eli,” Kiseop says, smiling a little. “I don’t take it personally.”

“Take what personally?” He’s officially confused.

“That you’re not interested in me because of…wait. Do you not? Am I wrong?” 

“About what?”

Kiseop looks over his shoulder to make sure that Kevin’s still in his room. 

“It’s not me you want. It’s him, isn’t it?”

All the colour drains out of Eli’s face. _Holy shit._ It’s one thing if AJ notices things like that – AJ knows Eli better than anyone and figuring things out about people is pretty much his job. But Kiseop? If Kiseop noticed then Eli must be 100%, flashing, neon-bright obvious to everyone but himself and Kevin. 

“I…” he says, unable to come up with words. He must look like a fish, gasping for water, mouth opening and closing soundlessly. He gives up on talking. He just nods. What’s the point in denying it anymore? It’s not like it’s worth anything. Not really.

“That’s what I thought.” The smile on Kiseop’s face is gentle, but not condescending. “That’s what I told him, too. But he refuses to believe me.”

“You told him that?” Eli croaks, suddenly wishing that he had a glass of water, too. 

“Well, he’d never say it to my face, but I can tell, Eli. He loves you. I told him that he should stop trying to set me up with you, but he’s convinced. I think maybe he wants us to be together so that you’ll be officially off limits.”

“He…” Eli says weakly. “What?”

Kiseop’s about to reply when Kevin comes bursting out of his room at as full a speed as his injury allows, dressed, bag over his shoulder and shoes already on. He heads toward the place where the coats are hung up, then backtracks and goes into Eli’s room instead, emerging with his coat half-way on.

“I’m sorry! I’m just about ready. How much time do we have?” he asks Kiseop, getting his crutches from where they’re leaning against the wall by his bedroom door and sorting himself out. 

“Ten minutes.” Kiseop sets his glass down on the counter and smiles at Eli. “Thanks for the water. I’ll see you later.”

Eli plasters as strong a smile as he can manage across his own face for Kevin, who’s looking over at them in a way which he probably thinks is subtle, chewing his lip in concentration. For all that he supposedly wants this to happen, he doesn’t look too happy about it. _Maybe AJ and Kiseop are right._

“Bye, Eli,” Kevin says. And then they’re gone. 

 

Eli spends all morning at the store manning the floor and pricing the stock from the latest shipment, going over the things that AJ and Kiseop have told him ad nauseam, interspersed with little warm moments of memory from last night, Kevin in his arms and holding on to him tight. Yeah, maybe people are who just friends don’t touch each other like that, usually, but does that make AJ and Kiseop right? Is there any universe in which Kevin – gorgeous, friendly, kind Kevin – could actually be in love with Eli? It sounds too ridiculous to even consider, and yet… They were both so sure. And Kevin came to Eli first when he was upset, sought comfort from him… Does it mean anything? Who the hell actually knows?

Sometime around noon, while Hoon is in the back eating his lunch and occasionally breaking into explosive fits of sneezing, Eli hears the chimes on the door tinkle and a very familiar voice.

“I can’t believe it. It looks exactly the same as the first time I came in here. Even the spiderwebs are in the same places. Jesus, Eli. Haven’t you ever heard of a vacuum?”

Eli looks up from adjusting the price gun to see AJ striding toward him, hands in his pockets, surveying the store around him.

‘I’m sorry, sir. Can I help you with something?” Eli asks instead of replying, feigning a politeness that even real customers don’t get from him.

“Yeah. I’m looking for this jerkoff named Eli Kim. I heard you guys have them in full supply.” AJ grins. Eli glares at him and waves the price gun at him in a way which is really not menacing at all, unfortunately.

“Do you have a reason for bothering me at work?” he asks. “Other than enjoying some nostalgia for how we met?”

“I came to tell you the good news!” AJ says, leaning forward over the high-topped counter.

“That’s okay,” Eli says blithely, hefting another box of cheap plastic CD case 4-packs onto the counter and starting to mark them up. “A guy with a sandwich board in the park already told me what it is.”

AJ stares at him.

“A what? A board covered in sandwiches? A board made of sandwiches?”

Eli rolls his eyes, not feeling up to providing an impromptu English lesson. 

“Never mind. What’s your news?”

“I’m definitely moving back to New York!” _That_ makes Eli look up.

“Oh yeah?”

“I had a job offer today! Interviewed with them on Tuesday but they needed to do a background check. I guess I must have cleared because they offered me a position I would have to be an idiot to refuse.”

“Congratulations!” Eli exclaims, genuine happiness for him melting away any excess annoyance lingering from their conversation yesterday. He comes around the counter and yanks AJ into a solid bro hug before stepping back and putting a hand on his shoulder. “Who’s the job with?”

AJ leans in and whispers the answer in his ear. Eli’s eyes go wide. 

“Really?”

“Yeah, but don’t go shouting about it. The only problem is that I’m supposed to start in two weeks, so I really need to find an apartment soon.”

Eli goes back around to the staff side of the counter to finish pricing the box he’s working on. 

“Didn’t you say that Kevin was going to try to get you a chance to talk with Christine, the night-shift girl?”

“Yeah. But obviously it didn’t work out yesterday.”

“Mmm, right. Although, you know…”

“What?”

“Her schedule changes a little from week to week, but she’s got to have at least two days off. If she was free tonight I could call Kevin and see if he’d mind having her over for dinner along with Alex and Kiseop.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Just let me finish with this and then we can go call him.”

“Great!” And then AJ wanders off to flick through the various records and CDs filling the shelves and bins throughout the store. When Eli’s finished pricing, he calls Hoon out of the break room.

“Can you keep an eye out here for a bit? I need to make a phone call.”

“Sure thing.” Hoon’s sniffly, but he’s a trooper, plopping down on the stool behind the register with a big box of tissues, a jumbo-sized bottle of Purel and a weak grin.

“Thanks. Hey, AJ. Come on!”

AJ looks up from the back of a Wu-Tang Clan album and follows him. The break room isn’t much to look at: a rickety old table next to a small counter with a microwave, a mini-fridge which has been there longer than Eli’s been working, and a coffee maker with a pot so filthy that it’s impossible to tell whether or not there’s actually any liquid in it. Eli’s going to get a new one someday. Eventually. Before he retires. Probably. He pulls AJ out a chair and grabs his phone out of his coat, hung on a hook on the back of the door.

Kevin’s speed dial number two, after the store. He picks up on the third ring.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Kev. It’s me. I was just wondering if you know what days Christine has off from work this week.”

“Oh, uh… I think it’s either today or tomorrow, and then Saturday. Why?”

“I thought maybe she could join us tonight so AJ can talk to her about the apartment.”

“Oh! Oh, yeah! That’s a great idea. Sure. I’ll call her once I’ve hung up with you and then text you when I find out. Oh, and while I’ve got you: is there anything in particular that AJ might want tonight? I’m already making carne asada for you and Alex, and kimchi fried rice for Kiseop, among other things. Anything else?”

“He’s right here. I’ll ask him. One sec. Kevin wants to know if you’d like something in particular for dinner tonight,” Eli relays to AJ on the other side of the table.

“Whatever he’s making is fine,” AJ says. “Did I hear something about kimchi, though?”

“Kimchi fried rice, yeah.”

“Sounds great.”

“He says whatever you make is fine,” Eli tells Kevin, and then notices what sounds like the microwave going off. “Are you not at school?”

“I didn’t really feel up to it, to be honest. My leg hurts and I’m still kind of…fragile after yesterday,” Kevin says, his voice simultaneously louder and more muffled, like he’s got the phone trapped between his ear and shoulder. “After I left the doctor I went grocery shopping then came back home.”

“How’s life without the cast?” Eli asks, anxious to keep him from thinking about yesterday night.

“It’s still a little hard to walk – I guess the muscles in my leg are screwed up from not being used enough – but not having to use those crutches is a blessing in itself. It’s a good thing we live close to the subway, though. The doctor told me I shouldn’t do too much high-speed walking for another few weeks. I’d hate to have to make Kiseop and Alex continue to have to drive me around. Although I bet you wouldn’t particularly mind it if Kiseop still showed up every morning.” His voice is teasing, but Eli seems to hear – and he’s not sure if he’s just imagining it now that Kiseop and AJ have got him all on edge – a little undertone of sadness.

 _Well,_ Eli thinks. _No time like the present to disabuse him of that particular notion._

“Actually,” he says, “Kiseop and I were talking this morning, and it’s funny because he said that –”

“Er, Eli?” Eli looks up to see Hoon standing in the doorway, looking like he’s about twelve seconds from death.

“Hang on, Kevin,” Eli says, and then looks back up at Hoon. “Are you okay?”

“I…uh…AHCHOO!” He all but doubles over with the force of his sneeze, groping desperately at the box of tissues in his hand and pressing a wad of them to his face. “Oh, Christ. I’m really sorry, but I feel awful. I can’t work like this. Would it be okay if I called Allen to come in and cover the rest of my shift for me?” 

“Yeah, of course! I told you not to come in at all if you weren’t feeling well, remember? It’s a miracle that you’ve managed to hold out this long.”

Hoon makes a miserable little sound and gives Eli a weak, but grateful smile. “Thanks.”

“No problem. Just let me get off the phone then you can call him and leave. I’ll be fine on my own until he gets here.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. It’s fine. Just give me a moment, okay?”

“Sure.” Hoon wanders out after giving AJ a brief, apologetic look, and Eli brings his phone back up to his ear.

“Kevin?”

“Mmm?”

“I have to go. Hoon’s in no condition to work so I’m sending him home again. I should be home by six-thirty or so. Is that okay?”

“Yeah. I told everyone to get here around seven-thirty. Alex is bringing his girlfriend and if Christine comes that will make seven of us. Our table’s on the small side so Kiseop is going to come early and let us borrow his card table to set up in the living room for the evening. Does that sound alright?”

“Sounds great. I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Yep. Bye.”

“Bye.” Eli snaps his phone shut and then stares at it, realizing that he might have accidentally made the thing with Kiseop worse.

“What?” AJ asks, and Eli starts, almost having forgotten that he was there. “Woah, sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“No, it’s just. Fuck. I was going to tell Kevin that I don’t have any real interest in Kiseop, and Hoon interrupted me in a weird place. I hope Kevin doesn’t think I was about to say something different.”

AJ’s face twists like he’s trying really hard to keep from laughing.

“What?!” 

“Your life is really hard, Eli, isn’t it? Man of your dreams moves into your house, introduces you to his ‘kids’, cries on your shoulder and accidentally spends the night with you…”

Eli glares at him and stands up from the table, points out the door.

“Out. I need to take care of my store and you’re being a distraction. If you want to go back to the apartment, Kevin’s there already so you’ll be able to get in. Oh, and if you don’t mind – if you could stop off at the grocery store and get some cheap-ish wine or whatever for tonight, that’d be great. Just text me how much it is and I’ll pay you back.”

“Sure.” AJ heads out of the break room and Eli follows him to the front of the store. Hoon is helping a customer who is looking at his half-destroyed face very, very warily. Eli sighs. 

“I’ll see you later, AJ.”

“Yeah. Bye!” AJ walks out and Eli waits until Hoon’s customer has left and then nudges him away from the register.

“Go on. Call Allen and then go home. You look like you’re about to die.”

Hoon looks up at him with big, grateful, watery eyes. 

“I owe you one, Eli. Thanks.”

“No problem. And don’t even _think_ of coming into work on Saturday if you’re not up to it. You know Dongho will tell me if you do.”

“Yes, sir.”

Hoon disappears into the back room and Eli picks the price gun up and makes some re-adjustments. Six o’clock seems a long, long way away.


	3. Three

The most glorious smells of cooking food greet Eli when he gets to the apartment that evening. He stops inside the door, closes his eyes and just breathes. When he opens them again, Kevin is right in front of him, holding a glass of red wine up to his face.

“Holy…!” Eli shouts, nearly falling backwards into the wall. “Where did you come from?!” 

AJ, resplendent in Kevin’s mom’s floral apron (which Eli _needs_ photographic evidence of) pokes his head around the wall and laughs. 

“Don’t worry, Kevin. He’s being really jumpy today for some reason."

Kevin’s got a giant grin on his face, looking way too pleased with himself. 

“I’m trying out my sneaking skills,” he says as Eli’s heart rate returns to something medically acceptable and he shrugs his jacket off. “Without those crutches I’m like a ninja. Be afraid! Wine Ninja is on the prowl!” He holds the glass up in offer to Eli again and Eli takes it from him. “It’s merlot.”

“Thanks.”

Kevin turns around and heads back for the kitchen and Eli follows him. The smell is even better in there. Fried rice and vegetables and kimchi and grilled red meat…Eli looks at the clock. Six forty-two. He’s never going to make it to seven thirty.

He tries to make a subtle grab for a vegetable roll but Kevin catches him with a spatula to the wrist.

“Ow! Hey!”

“No picking at the food.”

“But I’m hungry!”

“If you eat it all now, there won’t be any left for everyone else.”

“…You’re kidding, right?” There is surely enough food in the kitchen already to feed their entire building. “I thought we were only having four people over.”

“We are.”

“Then why can’t I–?”

“I could lock him in his room,” AJ offers, and Kevin taps a finger against his lips like he’s seriously considering it. 

“Hmm. Maybe. Will you survive if you have something to nibble on in the meantime?”

Eli glares at him. “I’m not a dog.” 

Kevin just stares at him evenly. This is a man who works with children. Eli doesn’t have a chance. He relents.

“Fine.”

“Right. I left the bags with the chips and soda in my room. Come help me get them. Can you watch the rice, AJ?”

“Sure.” AJ takes the spatula and Kevin beckons for Eli to follow him. Eli watches him as he walks, slowly and with a bit of a limp, but less gingerly than Eli had feared. He looks like he’ll be back to normal soon. 

The bags – all five of them – are sitting on Kevin’s bed. Eli heads straight for them and is surprised to hear Kevin close the door behind him. Not surprised enough, however, to ignore what he sees poking out of one of the bags.

“You got Redbull!” he says gleefully, turning around to grin at Kevin. “Thank you!”

“No problem,” Kevin says, smiling. “But don’t drink them all tonight, please. I don’t think AJ and I are going to feel up to herding you into a corner if you get too hyper.”

“You’re the best, man. Seriously. Thanks.” Eli’s been on a Redbull hiatus for a couple months, ever since Kevin expressed some concern that Eli appeared to be running on 99% caffeine and 1% non-REM sleep. The fact that he bought it for him is showing trust as well as being nice. He feels touched in a way which is maybe sort of stupid.

“Actually,” Kevin says, and his voice goes quiet and a little shy. He drops his eyes from Eli’s to stare at the ground for a moment before looking back up at him, expression sheepish and a little softly happy. “I wanted to thank _you_. For yesterday. I was a mess. And you really didn’t have to let me stay with you, but you did. And I know you’re not really big on, like, hugging and stuff, but it made me feel a lot better to, well, um, well, you know. So, um… thanks.”

Eli can actually feel his face going through escalating shades of red, starting at _salmon_ and working up to _you’re not supposed to wear butter in a tanning bed_.

“It’s…I mean, it’s no big deal,” he mutters, looking over Kevin’s shoulder like the Michael Bublé poster is going to somehow come to life and save him. Kevin’s silent for a while, and just when Eli’s figured it’s safe to look at him again he says, 

“Did you mean all that stuff you said?”

“What?”

“About how I should stay in my job. And that you’d be willing to help me if…well, when something like that happens again.”

“Of course!” Eli _does_ look back at him now, making and keeping eye contact. If nothing else, he has to believe that Eli was telling him the truth. 

“Really?”

“Kevin, I would never lie about something like that.”

“Okay. I um, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Oh, Jesus. That sounds ominous. Something in Eli’s stomach squirms uncomfortably. _Please don’t let it be about Kiseop. Please don’t let it be about Kiseop._

“I’ve been thinking about what to do after graduation and…my mother really wants me to move back to San Francisco. The church I used to go to back home actually created the position of Youth Minister for me by her request. Everyone there expects me to come home and take that job. And that’s what I always thought I was going to do, too.”

Eli’s heart plummets abruptly to the floor. It’s actually worse than he thought. Kevin is leaving. Kevin was always planning on leaving. It doesn’t matter what Kiseop or AJ might think, because Kevin’s not staying anyway.

“It should be nice working in the community you grew up in,” he says, trying to sound cheerful and plastering a smile on his face. He’s not sure how fake it looks, but it feels horrible. “They’ll be lucky to have you.”

“No, Eli…” Kevin looks a little bit desperate, like he really doesn’t want Eli to misunderstand him. “I don’t… that’s what I always thought I was going to do, before I came here. And now that I am here, that I work at my church and live with you, I really, really don’t want to leave. But if you don’t want me to stay, I won’t.”

“Huh?”

“If you don’t think you can put up with me being…the way I was being last night. Or whatever. If you just don’t like living with me, or if you want to live with AJ again, I’ll leave. It’s no problem. I mean, like I said, I have that job waiting for me in California. It’s just that it’s coming up time for me to sign a new, possibly longer, lease on this place and I don’t want to do that without talking to you.”

“Kevin, I…” Eli stares at him helplessly, unable to believe the things he’s just said. How could he possible think that Eli would want him to leave? “Of course I want you to stay. Obviously. I thought you knew that.”

“Oh, well, I didn’t think—”

Eli moves before his brain has adequate time to process whether or not he’s making a good decision. Kevin gives a slight, “oof!” as Eli’s arms tighten around him and the air gets pushed out of his lungs, but his hands come up around him and hug him back anyway. He leans his head against Eli’s shoulder and Eli tries not to let his heart beat hard enough for Kevin to feel.

“I meant it,” he says after a moment. “Everything I said. I want you to stay.”

“Okay,” Kevin replies softly, and Eli can’t help but hug him a little bit tighter. 

“Kevin?” a knock on the door and AJ’s voice. Eli and Kevin pull apart at the same time, sharing a small, embarrassed smile before Kevin yells back, “Yeah?”

“Sorry, but the rice looks almost done and I don’t know what to do…?”

“Oh, hang on! I’ll be right there!” He turns back to Eli. “Can you get a couple of the bags for me?” 

“Yeah,” Eli says, “sure.” He grabs three of them, leaving the last two for Kevin, trying to hide the fact that he’s very nearly vibrating with happiness. _Kevin is staying. Kevin is staying. Kevin is staying._

It’s only when they’re walking back to the kitchen that he wonders why Kevin would leave New York entirely if Eli didn’t want to live with him. He never said anything about getting another apartment and staying in the city. It didn’t even seem to be something he’d even considered. Could Eli really be that strong a draw to him? So important that he’s the only reason Kevin would stay? It sounds ridiculous. It can’t be true. 

But he really, really wishes it was. 

 

Kiseop is the first to arrive, although when Eli opens the door all he sees is a giant square of green.

“Hello?” he says.

The block of green turns sideways, and shuffles through the door, revealing Kiseop holding it aloft by its folded legs.

“Hi,” he says, sounding a bit out of breath. “I brought the table.”

“Oh?” Eli says, looking around with wide eyes. “Where is it?”

“You’re not funny, Eli,” Kevin says, appearing out of nowhere again. Christ. Eli almost longs for the heralding crunch of crutches against carpet. “Thanks for bringing it, Kiseop! You shouldn’t have lugged it all the way up here by yourself, though. If you’d called I would have sent Eli down to help you.”

“No, no. That’s fine. I needed to work on my upper arms anyway.” Kiseop gives him a weak smile. “Anyway, where do you want this?”

“In the living room, by the couch. Eli will help you set it up.” And then he disappears into the kitchen again. Clearly his plot to get Kiseop and Eli alone has started already.

“Here,” Eli says, reaching down and grabbing the underside of the table. “You get the top and I’ll show you where we’re putting it.” Kiseop adjusts his grip and they waddle it awkwardly across the room to the space between the couch and the wall. “Right here.” They unfold the legs and put it down, making sure it’s steady before looking at each other.

“Are the tablecloth and things all ready to go?” Kiseop asks. 

“Tablecloth’s over here…” Eli says, grabbing it off the small table in front of the TV and tossing it onto the card table. “The dishes are still in the kitchen. I’d get them, but I think Kevin’s trying to keep me out of there.”

Kiseop sighs. “So he’s still going ahead with his plan?”

“It seems like it.” Eli unfolds the tablecloth, pushes one end toward Kiseop so he can spread it out. “I wanted to tell him earlier that he should just let it go, but I got distracted.”

“Ordinarily I’d say that we should just continue on as normal and let him figure out for himself that it’s not going to happen, but since you—”

“Sssh!” Eli hisses, peeking over Kiseop’s shoulder at Kevin bustling around just inside the kitchen door. “He might hear you.”

Kiseop throws him a look which accuses him pretty blatantly of being a middle schooler with a crush, but he does lower his already quiet voice when he says, “since you like him, I think it would be better for everyone if we just tell him outright.”

“Why? It’s not like I’m going to do anything about it.” Eli smooths down the corner of the tablecloth, trying to erase the creases with the pressure of his fingers. It’s a little unbelievable that neither of them owns an iron.

“Aren’t you?” Kiseop sits down on the arm of the couch and brushes his fringe back from his eyes and Eli wonders why he couldn’t have just fallen for Kiseop instead.

“Are you crazy? Of course I’m not.”

“Why?” Eli looks back over his shoulder to make sure that Kevin’s still out of earshot. He appears to be smacking AJ with an oven mitt, laughing, (and despite what AJ told him, he still feels a little uncontrollably jealous over how close they’ve become so quickly) so they’re safe for now.

“I swear I just had this conversation with my best friend barely twenty-four hours ago.” Kiseop just stares at him, patiently. Eli sighs. “He’s my roommate. And he’s renewing his lease; he’s going to stay here. It’d be too weird.”

“That’s it?” Kiseop looks incredulous.

“What do you—? Well, no, that’s not all, actually. But even if it was, it would be enough. Dating someone is hard enough without living in their pocket.”

“You’ve lived together for nearly half a year,” Kiseop points out. “And you have your own rooms. I think it would be fine.”

“ _Really_?”

“Really. Is your other excuse any better?” Eli thinks about talking with AJ, about Kevin and him being from such different backgrounds, being such different people, Eli not being up to the expectations that Kevin should have for himself. AJ seemed to think it was bullshit, Eli’s not so sure. Yeah, despite their differences in upbringing and lifestyle, they’re friends and they like each other, but that doesn’t mean that Eli shouldn’t step back so that Kevin can do better. _Better, Eli? ‘Who are you to say what he needs?’_

“I don’t think that that excuse is particularly bad,” he says to Kiseop.

“Well, I think you should go for it.” Kiseop smiles. “And if you screw it up, he can always come live with me, instead.”

Eli gawks, completely unprepared for an appearance of Kiseop’s previously unknown snarky side. 

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I forgot to lock my car. I’ll be right back.”

 

Eli only shuts his mouth a minute or so later when Kevin sneaks up on him from behind and gives him jumper cables. Eli lets out a squeak and collapses to the ground, knees suddenly non-existent, glaring as AJ laughs so hard he nearly cries. Kevin gives him a winning smile, obviously enjoying his new-found ability to move unhindered. Eli cracks open a Redbull.

 

Christine turns up next, before Kiseop gets back from his car, a bottle of Pinot Grigio in her hand.

“Officer Kim!” Eli says and salutes her when he opens the door. She rolls her eyes at him so hard that it’s got to hurt and gives him a little push back so she can come in.

“That’s _Detective_ Kim, to you,” she says, handing him the bottle, kicking her heels off inside the door and heading straight for the kitchen. 

“Ooh,” Eli says, doing his best impression of an eighth grader as he follows. “ _Detective_.”

‘’Shut up, Eli,” she snaps without turning around. “Hi, Kevin!”

“Christine!” Kevin gives her a one-armed hug by necessity of the rice-covered glove on one hand. “How are you?”

“I’m good. Enjoying my day off.”

“That’s great! Oh, Christine. This is AJ, Eli’s old roommate. AJ, this is Detective Christine Kim, my sister’s best friend from high school.”

“Hi, AJ,” she says and holds out her hand for him to shake. 

“AJ’s moving back to New York and he’s looking for a place to live. Have you found someone to replace Leila yet?”

“Oh? No, I haven’t. When were you thinking of moving?” Christine asks AJ.

“Sometime in the next couple of weeks.”

“Really?” They wander toward the living room to chat and Eli sets Christine’s bottle of wine down on the counter next to the ones he had AJ buy earlier. 

“What d’you think about that?” he asks, nodding his head in AJ and Christine’s direction.

“I think it’ll probably work out,” Kevin says, shucking off his gloves and throwing them in the trash can under the sink. “They’re both professionals, on the quiet side, mature…” he gives Eli a little dig in the ribs with his elbow at that and Eli stares at him.

“I’m sorry. Was that meant to imply that I’m not mature?”

“Did I not hear you pestering Christine when she came in?”

Point taken.

Someone knocks on the door.

“That’s probably Kiseop back from his car,” Eli says. “Alex would never be this close to on time.” Kevin lets out a very undignified snort and waves a hand at him to imply that he should go get the door. Eli does and is totally unsurprised to find that it is Kiseop, car keys in hand and determination on his face. 

He spots AJ and Christine talking in the living room and says to Eli, “is Kevin alone?”

“Um…” Eli says. “Yes?”

“C’mon,” Kiseop gets him by the sleeve and drags him into the kitchen with him, nearly making Eli crash into him when he stops abruptly. 

“Hey, Kiseop,” Kevin says, glancing over his shoulder from the stove. “Your car okay?”

“Yeah, I was lucky. No one got into it. Kevin, Eli and I want to tell you something.”

Eli shoots Kiseop a panicked look. _What? What?! What!! What are you doing?_

Kevin turns to his side so that he can still stir whatever he’s making and look at Eli and Kiseop at the same time. He’s got a smile on his face that looks like it was plastered there, badly, very much like the one he was wearing when he left in the morning. Eli’s not surprised; Kiseop just lead into that like they were going to announce their engagement. Might be a _bit_ soon, even by Kevin’s hyper-romantic standards (Eli refuses to allow him to pick movies for movie night by himself anymore; one chick-flick in Kevin’s company is one chick-flick too many). “Oh yeah?” Kevin says.

Kiseop nudges Eli in the side and Eli stares desperately at him.

“Eli?” Kiseop says. Kevin’s focus is directed onto Eli now, and Eli swallows hard. He has never, ever been good with awkward situations like this. Damn Kiseop for making him do this.

“Uh, you, uh. You know how you’ve been trying to get me and Kiseop together?” Eli starts, already feeling his face heat up. _Oh, fuck everything._

“Yeah,” Kevin says, an odd tone in his voice. “Are you guys together already, or something? Just didn’t tell me?” He laughs, and it’s clearly strained, and Eli manages to use that to force himself to keep talking; anything, if only it will make Kevin stop sounding like that. 

“Oh, no! No, no, no, we’re not. We don’t. We don’t want that,” he spits out, and Kevin’s face takes on a confused look.

“Don’t want what?”

“What Eli’s saying,” Kiseop explains, gracefully taking over from Eli’s stuttering idiocy, “is that we aren’t really interested in each other like that. We appreciate the thought, but we really just want to be friends.”

“Yeah,” Eli says, lamely, and Kiseop puts a brotherly arm over his shoulders. 

“Oh,” Kevin says, and like magic the uncomfortably fake happiness on his face is washed away and replaced by confusion and what Eli is definitely not imagining is relief. “But I thought…?”

“You seemed so into it, we didn’t want to disappoint you.” Kiseop shrugs, and when Kevin meets Eli’s eyes, Eli gives him a small, apologetic smile in return. 

“Oh, guys. No! I just wanted you to be happy,” Kevin says, eyes wide. “I’m sorry!”

“Don’t be,” Kiseop says. “We just wanted to clear the air. Eli’s got someone he’s interested in, and we didn’t want anyone getting the wrong idea, you know.” _Oh my fuck_. Eli can feel the blood drain out of his face. _Bastard._ Who knew nice, quiet Kiseop could be so forthright and conniving?

“Yeah?” Kevin looks at Eli and Eli wonders if every single solitary last emotion in his body is showing on his face. “You didn’t tell me that.”

“Uh, no. Well, I—” And then the buzzer for the building door goes. Eli believes in God. He believes. He is going to go to church every Sunday for the rest of his life. Praise Heaven. “Must be Alex! Better go get that!” he says, and scurries out of the kitchen and over to the buzzer pad on the wall. He takes a deep breath of relief before he picks up the receiver.

 

Alex and his girlfriend arrive at the apartment door in the same amount of time it takes for Eli to become fixated on putting the dishes out on the table, anything to not have to resume his last conversation. Kevin and Kiseop help – blissfully silent – while Christine and AJ continue talking about their potential roommate-ship.

Kevin answers the door this time and lets them in. Eli’s never met Alex’s girlfriend before, so he’s shocked to find that she seems not only normal but also genuinely patient to Alex’s eccentricities.

“Sorry we’re so late,” she says handing her coat to Kevin and running a hand through her long, blonde hair in an effort to control some of the winter frizz. “Alex got home late and we had to rush to get ready.”

“Sorry,” Alex echoes, looking sheepishly at Kevin and then over to Eli and Christine and is suddenly and effortlessly distracted by AJ. “Hi!” he says, all but bouncing over to where a very bemused AJ is leaning against the couch. “I’m Alex!” he thrusts a hand out and AJ takes it cautiously, rightly so because the vigour of Alex’s handshake makes the wine slosh dangerously in the glass in his other hand. Eli stifles a laugh as a pretend cough into his arm. “You’re Jaeseop, right? Eli’s friend? You’re Korean?” and then he launches directly into speaking Korean and Eli can’t hide the laugh that comes out of him at the shell-shocked look on AJ’s face. He can’t tell how good Alex’s accent is, but AJ starts to answer his questions, slowly, so he must be at least competent. 

Eli’s laugh catches AJ’s girlfriend’s attention, and she walks – much more sedately than her boyfriend – over to him and extends her hand. “Hi,” she says. “I’m Maggie.” 

“Eli,” he replies, and shakes. She turns to Christine.

“Hi…?” she says, and offers her hand to her as well.

“Christine,” Christine supplies. 

“Nice to meet you both,” Maggie says. “And nice to see you again, Kiseop.” He raises his glass to her in acknowledgement. “Sorry about Alex. He’d spend all day in his office if someone didn’t remind him that he has an apartment. Without Kevin to drag him back home, I think he completely lost track of time.” They all look over at the conversation going in Korean, Kevin now dragged into the fray as well.

“More than usual?” Eli asks, turning to Maggie and raising an eyebrow.

“Unbelievable, right? I’d get him a watch with an alarm, but a couple weeks ago I found a pile of them hidden behind his couch like some kind of domestic magpie’s nest, so I figure it’s probably a lost cause.”

“God, he’s weird, isn’t he?” Christine says, obviously confident that Alex is too immersed in giving AJ the fifth degree to pay attention to anything said in English. “How did you two meet?”

“In French.” Maggie grins. “I was on vacation in New Orleans and he was there for some conference and took it into his drunk head one night to start trying to talk to everyone in the French Quarter in French. Lucky for him, Quebecoise me just happened to get to him before some big guy who didn’t take well to being called ‘mon cher’ did. Lucky for me, we both happened to live in New York. Fate’s funny like that.”

“Fate, huh?” Eli says, trying not to sound too rude despite his scepticism.

“Or God or whatever,” Maggie says, shrugging. “Whatever you want to call it. Sometimes it’s just amazing how good things work themselves out.”

Eli can’t stop himself from glancing over at Kevin at that, wondering whether it’s a sentiment he feels already applies to his life, or one that he kind of wishes out work things out a step further. What he really wants is to go back to being blissfully ignorant of any of this. _That_ was nice.

“Um!” Kevin exclaims, catching Eli’s glance with wide, desperate eyes and mouthing ‘help me!’ while making meaningful eye movements in Alex’s direction. Eli takes pity on him.

“Is it time to eat yet?” he asks loudly. “I’m starving!”

AJ catches on. He always was a smart one. “Me too!” he says, in English, and gives Alex an encouraging look. 

“Oh. Food?” Alex asks, as though it’s just occurred to him that being invited over for dinner has an innate implication of food being provided.

“Sounds good to me!” Kevin says. “Everyone can sit down wherever at the table. Except for Eli. You’re helping me. Come on.”

“But…” Eli whines, giving him an exaggerated pout as he stands up. 

“Sssh. Come on. Be a good host for ten seconds.” Kevin grabs him by the sleeve and mock-drags him into the kitchen.

Even though the apartment is mostly open plan and the doors on the kitchen are really just places where the wall isn’t, rather than actual, close-off-able things, it feels a little quieter inside, and a lot more intimate. It’s just the two of them again, for just a couple of moments. Eli closes his eyes and breathes out. So many weeks and months of being spoilt for time with only Kevin, now he’s grasping at moments as they try to fly past him; he’s barely realised how much he needs them.

“You okay?”’ Kevin’s fingers uncurl from his shirt sleeve and flatten out, curve against his arm, his skin, touching, concerned.

“Yeah. Yeah, sorry.” Eli opens his eyes to see Kevin looking at him with concern, bottom lip trapped between his teeth. He fights the urge to take another deep breath. “Too much caffeine all of a sudden, maybe. It’s all your fault, you know, you enabler.” He grins crookedly at him, and Kevin returns the smile, if a little hesitantly.

“Don’t think I won’t take it away again if you get out of hand.” He lets go of Eli’s arm and turns to grab the first of what looks like dozens of dishes that are currently defying physics by all fitting on the itty, bitty kitchen counter.

“Sure, mom. Okay. I’ll be good.”

“I hope so. You can start by helping me carry these out.”

Eli does.

 

Dinner goes well. Kevin made way too much food – as, perhaps, to be expected – but between five grown men and super!cop Christine at the table, it gets demolished at a steady rate as Maggie looks on with bemusement (“Hey,” Eli says, waving his fork in her direction. “I’m a New Yorker. I walk everywhere. I need to keep up my calories.” “Lies,” AJ says. Eli pokes him with the fork. Kevin shoots him a look, and Christine nearly chokes on her food.)

The food is fantastic – also to be expected – and everyone heaps praise on Kevin, who turns fascinating shade of pink and redirects some of the credit onto AJ. Kiseop bets Alex (after he’s already had a few glasses of wine) that he can’t recite the alphabet backwards in Portuguese, and Alex spends the next five minutes trying to prove that he can, only to repeatedly mess up somewhere toward the middle and have to restart, again.

Christine and AJ exchange numbers and an arranged meeting for AJ to view the apartment on Saturday. Maggie teaches Eli how to say, “I know about your boyfriend, and I’ll tell Dad if you don’t listen to me” in French so that he can practise psychological warfare on his little sister in public when she and his Dad come to visit in a couple of months. Kevin disapproves; Eli insists it’s for her own good (“Justin Beiber is a gateway drug to boy bands, Kevin. Trust me: I’ll be doing her a favour.”)

So, dinner goes well. Everything goes great, in fact, until everyone is sitting around, leaning back lethargically in their chairs, and Kiseop looks at his watch and says, “Oh, damnit. Sorry, guys. I have to go. Early class in the morning and I have to put my notes together still.”

He peels himself off of his chair and stands up. Kevin, ever the gracious host, pulls together enough energy to stand up as well. “Are you sure you can’t stay a bit longer?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry. It totally slipped my mind earlier. I’d better head out.”

“Well, alright. Let me get your coat.”

Kiseop slips his shoes on and accepts his coat from Kevin with a smile. 

“Thanks. I’ll see you next week, I guess? And I’ll see you tomorrow, Alex. Nice to meet you, Maggie. Christine, remember to call me about those theatre tickets, please. AJ, I guess I’ll see you when you come back to the city? Good luck with the move.” And then he turns to Eli, and Eli can already see that he’s about to say something – aided by the alcohol, no doubt – which is going to set Eli up for a short-term stay in hell.

“I’ll see you when I see you, Eli. Remember what I said earlier. You’re a free man, huh? Do something about it. Bye guys!” And then he’s gone, and all eyes on the table snap over to Eli. _Fuck._

“What was _that_ about?” Christine asks, leaning forward over the table on her elbows. 

“What was what about?” _Maybe playing dumb will work…_

“Him reminding you that you’re single. Oh my God! Are you into someone?” 

_…nope._

“Christine—”

“Eli.”

“He’s got a crush,” AJ says, smirking into his chardonnay. Eli glares at him, wishing he still had his fork as panic starts to build up inside of him. This is not something he wants to talk about. Not at all, and _especially_ not in front of Kevin.

“Whaaaaat?” Alex exclaims, leaning tipsily in Eli’s direction from the far end of the table. “Is it a boooooy?”

“Jesus, Alex,” Christine says. “How drunk are you?”

“It’s a boy!” Alex says, and leans over completely so his head is in Maggie’s lap, underneath the table. She glances down at him, and then over at Eli and mouths, ‘sorry.’

“Well, duh,” Christine says. “Who is it?”

“Kevin thought it was Kiseop,” AJ hastens to say, and Eli feels sick.

“Kiseop!” Alex says from under the table.

“It was a mistake,” Kevin says quietly, and it’s the first time he’s said anything on the topic. He looks at Eli. “I was wrong. Sorry.”

“So who is it?” Christine asks.

“Yeah, Eli,” AJ says. “Who is it?”

Eli knows that AJ probably wouldn’t be selling him up the river like this if he wasn’t completely off his head drunk. That’s the only reason that Eli does what he does instead of punching AJ in the face.

“I need to get some air,” he says, and stands up and walks calmly over to the coatrack and grabs his jacket, and then calmly steps through the door. 

Once he gets to the staircase, he runs.

And he runs.

 

He comes to a halt outside the closed gates of the park a few blocks away – the same park that Kevin slipped and fell in on his way home from the store about a month ago. Of course, it’s closed. It’s dark – he should have known it wouldn’t be open. There are a few wooden benches on the sidewalk, backed up to the black, wrought iron fence, and Eli sits down heavily on one of them after giving it a cursory examination for cleanliness. It’s damp with frost that melts underneath him, but he lets it soak into his jeans and ignores it. 

Hands in his pockets to keep them warm, he tips his head back and stares blankly at light post on the opposite side of the street, a tacky orange glow creating a halo against the crumbling, pale brick of an apartment building. He lets his vision go out of focus, turning the world into a hazy, urban blur.

_Is this the life you wanted, Eli? City winters and friends who think your life is a joke?_

_Or friends who are closer than friends, but never brothers?_

_New York takes everyone in, but she doesn’t love any of them. Nobody loves you, and that’s okay. But Kevin deserves California sunshine. Kevin deserves San Francisco’s love._

_You know that, and he knows that. He’s staying for now, but when he inevitably leaves you should be able to say goodbye to him._

_You’ll have to._

He’s not normally into poetics. He’s just sober enough to realise that the alcohol is probably at least partially responsible for his dismal mood. He sighs, sees his breath mist in front of him, and abruptly wishes that he smoked, just for something to do.

“Is this going to be your new thing?” 

Eli turns his head and sees Kevin making his careful way down the sidewalk, dwarfed in his coat as he tries to look over it at his feet so he doesn’t slip and put himself out again. Eli almost stands up to help him. Almost. His body feels so incredibly heavy when he thinks about it; he doesn’t think he would be able to bring himself to move. He settles for replying.

“What?”

“Running out of the apartment: is it going to be your new thing? You’ve done it twice this week.”

“I said. I just need to get some fresh air.”

“Do you mind if I join you?”

Eli looks over at him, standing at the side of the bench with his hands in the mittens that his sister (supposedly) knit for him curled into fists at his sides. He should say, _no_. He should say, _I need some time to think._ He should say, _You shouldn’t have left our friends alone._ He should say, _I think it would be better for both of us if you went back to California._

“Sure.”

Eli doesn’t move over and Kevin doesn’t wait as though he expects him to. He simply sits down on what’s left of the bench at Eli’s right, perched just on the edge, legs tucked underneath.

“I’m sorry about them,” Kevin says, looking at Eli looking off into space again. “About all of that. They’re drunk, you know. They wouldn’t be like that if they weren’t.”

“I know.” And he does. He’s not angry with them, really. He’s angry with himself. He’s angry that his stupid emotions and stupid, stupid fucking heart have put him in a position to be vulnerable to them to begin with.

“You… you never told me you liked someone,” Kevin says, voice soft. “You should have just told me. I would have stopped.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Eli replies. “It’s never going to happen, anyway. Not really worth talking about.”

“How do you know?”

“I just do.”

“Who is it?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“Why? Is it someone I know?” Eli takes a deep breath.

“I can’t tell you.”

“Don’t you trust me?”

“Kevin…” Eli looks at him pleadingly, begging him to drop it.

Kevin is silent for a moment.

“How did Kiseop find out?”

“He guessed. I haven’t told anyone anything. Like I said: it’s not worth it. But what about you, huh? Any cute girls on your radar?” He’s trying to lighten the mood and get Kevin off his back, so he’s totally shocked when Kevin’s face drops. 

“No _girl_ ,” Kevin says quietly, and Eli feels the rush of confirmation run through him.

“A boy?” He asks gently, unsure of whether he should even ask at all. Kevin just nods, silent. “Why didn’t you tell me? You know I wouldn’t have a problem with it.”

Kevin doesn’t answer and when Eli looks closer, he can see that there are tears on his cheeks. _Oh shit. What did I do this time?_

“Why are you crying?” He puts a hand on Kevin’s upper arm and squeezes, gently, his own inner roiling temporarily forgotten.

“I don’t have a chance with him, either,” Kevin says in a small voice, glancing over at Eli’s hand.

“Why not?”

“He’s interested in someone else.”

“How do you know that?”

“I just do.” Fair enough. “Anyway, he’d never like me.” Kevin drags a hand over his face to scrub the tears away (and make room for new ones) and Eli lets go of his arm.

“Why’d you say that?”

“I’m not his type. Like, at all. Urgh, I’m sorry. I’m supposed to be apologising and I end up crying all over you. What kind of a friend am I?”

“Don’t be sorry. It’s fine. What do you mean, you’re not his type?” The desire to make Kevin feel better overrides everything else, even if it means that Eli has to counsel him on his feelings for another guy. 

“I’m just not. He’s into guys who aren’t. Like me.”

“Like you?”

“Yeah. Like me.”

“How do you know?”

“I just do.” 

There’s a lot of that going around tonight, apparently. Eli considers his next step. He has an idea, but it’s kind of risky. But he really doesn’t know anything else to say and, honestly, being able to tell Kevin a little bit of the truth under the guise of friendly counsel is pretty much just what he needs to reduce some of the pent-up stress rattling around inside him. He turns to Kevin and covers one of his freezing hands with his own, takes a deep breath, and:

“Look, Kevin. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you’re smart and you’re kind and you’re pretty fucking gorgeous, too, okay? You’re the definition of ‘exception to the rule.’”

“Huh?” Kevin stares at him, mouth open, uncomprehending. 

“Types only go so far, okay? The guy could be into stone statues normally, but I’m sure he’d make an exception for you.”

Kevin’s face goes very, very pink, and he stares down at Eli’s hand covering his own.

“Really?”

“Like I said: nice, smart, and pretty. Total trifecta.”

“Do you really think that?” His voice is quiet, and Eli can feel his fingers tightening against his leg, under Eli’s hand. 

“Didn’t I tell you? I wouldn’t lie to you.”

God. It feels so good – so good – to say that to him. To know that he knows at least that much. And he’s not reacting badly, not at all. Maybe, Eli thinks, it wouldn’t be so bad to let him know. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if he knew everything. Surely there’s no one who could break Eli’s heart better.

“What would the guy you like think if he knew you said that to me?” Kevin asks suddenly, turning his hand over against Eli’s to thread their fingers together. Eli doesn’t know what’s happening. He’s lost all functioning thought of anything outside the warmth that’s created when Kevin’s fingers are locked with his and their palms are pressed against each other. 

“He already does.” He says it, but it sounds like it comes from someone else. It sounds like it came out of someone else’s mouth, gentle and totally unaware of the repercussions that those words could have. 

“Huh?” Kevin looks up at him, looks him straight in the eye. Eli’s stomach bottoms out, and he hits reality fast and hard. Maybe nobody could break his heart better than Kevin, but it still ends with his heart in tiny pieces and his closest friend possibly forever wary of him. But only his heels are on the cliff-edge now, he’s leaned too far forward. He’s going to fall, and all that’s left is to give into it completely.

“He already knows,” Eli repeats. “He heard me say it just now.”

Understanding comes over Kevin’s features like a revelation. His eyes widen and he blinks, mouth slightly open, staring.

“Oh, Eli…” his eyes are brimming over with tears and Eli has to look away as Kevin’s hand untangles from his own. Then he feels warm fingers against his face. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t—” _What? Want to hurt him? Make him feel guilty? Ruin our friendship? D) All of the above?_ Eli tries to turn his head away and finds himself trapped by one of Kevin’s tender hands. He shudders, feeling tears drop down his cheeks and onto Kevin’s warm skin, wanting, despite everything, to press a kiss to his palm, so close.

“Don’t,” Kevin’s voice is soft, like his touch, “please don’t cry. Please.”

“I’m sorry,” Eli whispers, and Kevin brushes his tears away as they come. “You were never supposed to know. Please don’t hate me.”

“Hate you?” Kevin asks, and he’s so close, so incredibly close, so suddenly, and his breath smells like mint. Eli looks up and sees warm brown eyes, sees them close and feels the soft, wet press of a kiss to his lips. He gasps, and Kevin opens his eyes and looks at him.

Just looks.

And then,

“Eli, I love you.”

so everything falls into place.

 

It’s weird. It _is_ weird, suddenly being in a relationship with someone you’ve already been living with for months. But it’s not a bad weird. There’s nothing that Eli dislikes about the fact that when he sees Kevin come in from the cold, covered in snow, hands freezing and full of shopping bags, he gets to replace the bags with his hands and kiss pink cheeks and chapped lips and know that later he’ll get to make food to warm them both up from the inside, as well. There’s nothing bad about cuddling being introduced into Friday movie nights (or even missing most of the movie because of it.) It’s not great when Kevin comes home with a sick or dying or dead child stuck in his soul and guilt penetrating every part of him, but it’s easier when Eli’s allowed – and expected – to pull him into his arms and hold him while he cries, and he knows that Eli means every comforting word he says. They fight sometimes, about things they argued over before they were together as well as new things, but they have their own rooms to go to and cool off, and they work well as a relationship team, like they did as a flat sharing one.

AJ and Kiseop are unbearably smug for the first two weeks, although Eli has a blissful reprieve in the form of AJ being elsewhere for most of that time, able to bother him only via electronic media. AJ does go with Kevin to church on the Sunday before he leaves to go back to Boston to pack up, and makes cooing noises when Eli turns up right before Sunday School ends and takes Kevin’s hand when he appears in the lobby. Linda notices, too, but she settles for telling Eli to be good to him, and giving Kevin a hug. Kevin comes home from school one day to tell Eli that Kiseop said to say to him, ‘I told you so,’ so Eli sends a sarcastic ‘thank you’ bouquet of flowers to his office which gets him inundated with nosy questions from co-workers. The next time they see each other, they shake hands and agree to be friends.

Kevin’s family comes to New York when Kevin finishes his degree. His father doesn’t appear to care about their relationship, and his mother starts out giving Eli highly distrusting looks, but by the time she leaves she’s graduated to acknowledging his presence and accepting his contribution to Kevin’s life, at least in the form of helping to pay for his heat, if not being his significant other. Kevin’s sister threatens to break his legs if he hurts her brother, and it finally makes sense to him that she’s friends with Christine. Eli’s dad and sisters come to visit – his mother is still boycotting his physical presence until he decides that he’s made a mistake, which he can’t help – and they plot loudly to kidnap Kevin and bring him back to Virginia, complaining that it isn’t fair that Eli gets him all to himself. Eli quietly thinks that if he gets his way, they’ll all be family in the end.

Months turn into a year, turn into years. Kevin takes the job at Linda’s church and spends his free time mentoring kids in the inner city. Eli starts going to business school night classes and eventually buys the record store, opens another location uptown. He saves a little from every paycheck to go toward the plans stuffed into a box under his bed, filled with pamphlets on fostering and adoption and a silver ring, bought six months after they got together, waiting for the right time.

And when it’s finally the right time, Kevin will say yes. And Eli will wake up some mornings to see his son and his daughter and his husband, sitting at his kitchen table and eating soggy cheerios.


End file.
